ACT, DON’T REACT

I am sitting in my room, waiting for my friend to arrive. A friend, who promised several times but ditched every single time.  So when i get a text that I won’t be seeing him today I loose my temper. Forgetting all the good things he has done for me I deliberately send him a nasty text just to make him feel sorry beyond words.

But after two days when I sit back and ponder on why i did what i did; I realised words don't have the power to hurt you. Unless, the person who said them means a lot to you. And when that “means a lot” person doesn't fulfill your expectations then you don’t act but you react.

Your reaction defies Newton’s third law. Your reaction is far louder than action.

Your reaction is not controlled by your mind but your heart. And that is why it is said it is more difficult to control your heart than mind.

Sometimes it’s just wise to sit back and do nothing – neither act nor react. Just stay calm. But it is easier said than done; especially, if you are as volatile as me.

While I was pondering on ACTION-REACTION I came across an interesting incident. And that is how this blog post idea came to my mind. Let me take you through that story.

A few years ago, a TVC director was at a dinner party with an ad agency NCD in one of the advertising festivals. The NCD had given the director some great projects and helped make him successful. The director was a witty guy, and was known in advertising fraternity for his creative sense of humor. But at some point he said something the NCD didn't like. The NCD couldn't think of a witty response immediately. So he poured his glass of wine over the director’s jeans.

Now there were basically two responses at that point for the Director to react.

The director could react emotionally. He could thump the NCD (unlikely, it could end in a law suit). He could get up and walk out (bad choice, it looks a sulk). He could wittily put the CEO down (he looks good but it’s probably the end of the relationship). He could ask for money to get his jeans dry cleaned (embarrassing, the NCD will probably just toss him a couple of 100 notes).

Or the other choice was he could act rationally. Not emotionally.

Just laugh it off and carry on with the evening. Realising that the NCD had given you many expensive commercials in the past. He could probably give you many more in the future. You could load a few grand onto the next commercial to assuage the insult if you want. In fact you could load several grand onto every commercial he gives you from now on. You could get even that way. That glass of wine could end up costing him tens of thousands of Rupees.

That’s if you act rationally. Or it ends up costing you tens of thousands of Rupees if you act emotionally.

See, none of the options are wrong. But, like everything in life, they each come with consequences.

To stay in control of your life, all you have to do is constantly be aware of the consequences of your choices. Then choose accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with standing up and thumping the NCD. As long as you’re prepared to never work for him again. Plus a possibly costly court case for assault, and expensive damages from the restaurant. If you’re willing to accept all of that then go ahead and thump him. But don’t moan about it afterwards.

The director didn't  His immediate thought was probably something like “This is really embarrassing. Shall I throw my glass of wine back?”

Followed immediately by “What will that cost me?”

And he weighs the short-term benefits of getting even against the long-term benefits of swallowing the insult. He decides he’d rather have the big money.  The jeans dry-clean cost around Rs. 150; he stands to make tens of thousands. It would be nuts to throw that away. So he sits and smiles. He balances an evening’s embarrassment against a lot of money.

That’s existentialism. That’s street smartness. That’s business mindedness. That’s action.

There’s nothing wrong with whatever choice you make. As long as the preferred consequences are factored into your choice. The only thing wrong is pretending you have no choice over the consequences. That’s what Sartre calls ‘living inauthentically’. Pretending you have no choice. You always have a choice. Of course, you may not like the choices. But you always have a choice.

All it takes is ‘split-second awareness’ that marks the distinction between a ‘reaction’ and an ‘action’. Be rational whenever possible. It is always possible.

So moral of the story ACT, DON’T REACT.

 Incidentally, that commercials director now has much more money than that NCD.

It's actually that simple!

Problem is the Solution

People who write blogs don't write it under compulsion. But because there's a strong urge to get something out of their heart. Writing is a great pacifier. It is a balm for the soul.

And the reason why I am writing this post is because of 'Silver Linings Playbook' .

On the face of it, the movie is a rom-com but perched on a razor's edge between comedy and psychological drama. This movie gives a simple but life-changing lesson - Positive decisions can be made in the face of imperfection, desperation, and the desolate wasteland of your world in pieces.

For me one dialogue summed it all - “You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back.”

So whether you are sad, angry or just plain disgusted...instead of whining it's much better to figure out the solution. Remember every maze has a solution. Solution never comes out of outer space. It's always there. We just need to look around with wide open eyes.

Now let me tell you a real life story on how a person made adversity his best opportunity.

Don't know how many of you would have seen Blade Runner.

Blade Runner is a 1982 science fiction film directed by Ridley Scott, depicting a dystopic Los Angeles in November 2019.

Though I am not a huge fan of sci-fi movies but the reason why I am writing about this movie is not that I loved it but I loved the background story behind it that makes it so special.

Blade Runner is based on Philip K. Dick’s novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The first script was written by Hampton Fancher, a television actor. A friend of his told Fancher, “I think science fiction is going to happen,” and suggested Dick’s novel. Fancher came up with the idea of a detective who chases androids. Producer Michael Deeley (The Deer Hunter, The Italian Job [1969]), read both the book and Fancher’s script ideas and didn't like either very much. He wrote his own script and approached Ridley Scott to direct it but Scott rejected the idea.

After some time, due to tough financial condition Ridley Scott decided to take on the project with Michael Deeley. Initially the project was financed by Filmways Pictures, but the company was small and having financial difficulties, the group sought out new financing. The film was eventually financed partially by Warner Brothers and other investment groups.

When Ridley Scott finally got the financing to make Blade Runner it wasn't as much money as he wanted. The Hollywood studio were skeptical about the project. So they tried to cut costs. Ridley wanted to build a futuristic Los Angeles set for the movie. But all the studio would give him was a part of a generic 1920s town they had built ages ago. An unused set where they used to shoot gangster movies. All set in prohibition times. Because gangster movies had fallen out of fashion the buildings and streets in the set were decayed and peeling.

Looking at the sorry state of the available set Ridley wondered what to do. Obviously he felt insulted. Obviously the studio didn't take his film seriously. He pondered over the options available to him. The most obvious option was he could tell the studio to shove it. But if he did, that would almost certainly be the end of the movie. And probably the end of his film career in Hollywood too. So what could he do? It seemed impossible to shoot a futuristic science-fiction film about mutant robots in a set designed for black and white films about gangsters.

Ridley spent nights over nights on what could be the best solution. And guess what his problem gave him his solution.

He thought, the future is never devoid of past. The future isn't just brand new buildings, and brand new cars, and brand-new everything. The future is always about the latest things, overlaid on what came before. He decided to use the set as the past and overlay the future on it. To give a sci-fi image (which didn't exist that time) he added shiny aluminium piping to the outside of the buildings. And he added neon signs to the outside of the buildings. And people in modern, plastic clothes, with neon umbrellas. And travelling airships with massive outdoor TV screens. And all these futuristic props overlaid on the grungy old buildings just emphasised how the future always elbows the past aside.

But these props turned out to be much more important than they were initially thought of. Because neon shows up better at night, Ridley decided to shoot the movie at night. But it would also throw all the buildings into the background. Giving it the feel of a deserted and bypassed planet earth. Which was perfect for a story about returning mutant robots looking for their history. The cumulative effect gave the entire movie an all-pervading dark, ominous, threatening, sinister mood. This short-on-budget movie was truly craft out of waste. It played a pivotal role in Hollywood cinema. It launched an entirely new genre of film-making. Noir Science Fiction.

Over the years since its release, it has won nearly forty awards worldwide. It has been reissued in seven different versions. Blade Runner is considered a masterpiece. Ridley Scott’s Hollywood career took off. He went on to make many massively successful movies and featured among the important Directors. Many documentaries, novels, comics, video games and television series have been made on this movie.

So what is the moral of the story?
Take the problem head on and turn it into an opportunity.

Being a woman sports fan.

When you have grown up in a family where your favourite pastime is to watch sports, mind it sports not cricket, then you are bound to develop an interest in sports by default. Our dinner table discussions revolved around Azhar, Kapil, Ajay Jadeja, PT Usha, Leaner Paes, Prakash Padukone and very rarely Shanti, Svetlana could find place in our discussions. Guess coming from an army background changes your outlook towards life and the activities you indulge into. Although, I was more into watching than playing and that’s perhaps the reason why height didn't favour me. Anyways it's no surprise that I grew up to become an avid sports fan.

Barring my folks and friends, people still "test" me day in and day out on my sports knowledge. They still can’t come to terms that a girl can like sports too. Agreed, there are lesser number of women sports persons but that shouldn't be the reason for me not liking sports. Maybe I have more of my father in my genes. Or maybe I have a boy’s soul in a girl’s body :) I am sure reading that statement crazy ideas would be going in your mind. But rest your imagination horses.

Now let’s come back to the topic of being a woman sports fan.

The barrage of question would start with "Oh, really, you like sports?" and then there will be a tsunami of questions to test my knowledge, to prove myself if I was genuinely interested in sports or was I just faking to impress guys or just to stand out from other girls.

Once I would pass the first hurdle, the bar would be set higher for me. Stats, records, rules, players all will be tested. Believe you me, a life of a female fan is not easy and it’s damn difficult to fit into a male-dominated sports culture. Fandom is not measured by loyalty towards a team, but by the knowledge of statistics, players and history. Even though off late, more female fans have started following sports but still women are not fully accepted as equal-status fans by our male counterparts. We are still looked upon as lesser beings. Recently an avid sports fan indirectly made a pass at me saying that I don’t understand football at all and I made him think that Keys and Gray were right about what they have said about female sports fans. Here’s what Keys and Gray are reported to have said about Massey:

“Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her,” said Keys.
“Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule,” said Gray.
Keys replied “Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny (Dalglish) will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?” And then he added “The game’s gone mad. Did you hear charming [West Ham vice-chairwoman] Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour, love.”

Though I was initially hurt to read his comment but later on I reconciled to the fact that even if I know nothing about the game, it should not deter me from following the game  I love so much. Since I have not followed football from my childhood therefore my knowledge cannot be compared with them. I am a slow learner but let me learn it my way not your way. Why should I be made fun of? Doesn't this mindset reek of male chauvinism in a milder avatar. But I have no complaints since everyone is entitled to his opinion. I will do what I feel is right and you can do what you feel is right. So, what is it that makes men feel so fidgety about accepting women as sport fans? Maybe it has got to do with them being misogynist :) (a hot favourite word of one of my tweep friend these days). There could be multiple reasons. I could think of few:

• Sports fell into male territory. My limited knowledge from history books, movies suggest that sports were considered to be an activity for the alpha members of the family. Outdoor activities which included hunting and sports were clearly a male domain. Female encroachment wasn't acceptable and was considered as trespassing. 

• Men and women consume sports differently and speak a different language. For women, it's a sensory experience that ends with the match, except for some unforgettable ones like Ind-Pak CWC match or France-Italy WC football final match or Djokovic-Nadal Australian open final. However, for men, it’s more to do with cerebral experience. For them match doesn't end with the match. In fact it’s a beginning to those endless discussions. They love to discuss games threadbare. The pregame analysis, the post game analysis, dressing room politics, team selection etc. Collecting sports knowledge, is as important as the game itself. Whosoever possesses the maximum knowledge has one-upmanship in his group. If you are not into sports, you are not man enough. You are sissy.

• Other reason could be sport is the only arena left for men to express their masculinity, besides in the bed ;) They think the fairer sex is a weaker sex and cannot play/watch sports for long. They think women don’t have the brains and patience to think beyond their kitty parties. But excusez-moi you are completely wrong.

• Stereotyping is what everybody loves to do. Most of the Indian men have grown up in households where their sisters or mothers have not watched sports. Therefore men tend to generalize that women can’t play sports. Infact our movies like Kutch Kutch Hota Hai have reinforced the same by saying “Girls can’t play basketball”. Even brands like Gatorade, Nike, redbull, Cinthol, that have taken sportiness as their advertising plank, always resort to taking male models simply because that’s the common perception. 

• No women sports culture. Women are not promoted to play sports. In childhood when boys play cricket, girls play hide and seek, tippi-tippi-tap, gudiya-gudiya, posham-pa, stappu, ludo etc. Basically all games that don’t involve physical activities. And since they don’t play sports therefore understanding, relating and liking them doesn't fit into their scheme of things. They feel out of place when boys discuss sports.

• Men don’t watch women spots because they think women aren't good enough and are no match to men competition. However, men do watch women's tennis. But that’s probably because there’s ample skin show. Since they don’t think too highly of women sports persons therefore they somehow perceive that women can’t be good even as spectators.

The reasons could be innumerable but the bottom-line is that Girls are still treated like an outsider in sports discussions, which discomforts me. But slowly and steadily things are changing and men are becoming more open minded. Though,there’s still a long way to go.

I agree I am not as knowledgeable about sports as my male friends are. But I am a die-hard sports fan and I don’t feel ashamed to accept that I tend to know less about numbers and history. Maths has always been my weak area, so please excuse me for not remembering the stats, even though I would consume just as much current sports coverage as my male counterparts would.

I like sports because I can relate to them. I find them more passionate and less dramatic. Sports inspire me to try harder and never give up on my dreams. Every morning, last night’s match provide me the fodder for my office cooler conversation. On match days most of my twitter updates would be about the match. Watching sports and discussing them is a great stress buster for me. It helps in bringing people closer to me. I automatically become friends with people who love sports. It's a bonhomie catalyst for me.

In fact the best part about following sports is that even if you are watching a match alone, you are never alone. The constant conversation in the real or virtual world multiplies the fun of watching sports manifolds. It’s like watching a game with friends even when you are alone. 

I am not the one who watches only highlights but I love to watch the match from beginning to end without flipping the channel. My favourite player choice is not based on his legs, or how cute he looks (but of-course excluding Djokovic :)) but how well he plays his game. I might not know everything about every player or his every move but trust me I would know about the team standings, match summaries, the league standings and but of course the rules. Silly point, mid-off, Bouncer, Center Forward, offside, DRS Wing, backhand, cannonball is not nuclear science to me. I am not scarred to engage in a passion filled argument about the team or player I support. I am definitely not a two minute fan to induct myself into the game simply to score with the guys. You don’t have to bother to explain any rules or tactics unless I ask for. Also, I really hate it when somebody would try to disturb my concentration.

My kind of weekend is not to go out on marathon shopping sessions with my girlfriends but to watch a match. I’ll be very happy if I can see it in a stadium or at a pub. I won’t complain even if I see it at home. I get really animated when I am watching the game. You’ll see me cheering the loudest when my team is winning and when my team is doing badly then I’ll be screaming my lungs out to curse the opposition or the referee.

Boys who complain their girlfriends don’t let them watch matches, should make an effort to involve them in the games they love so much. Once your girl cheer with you, trust me you’ll have lesser reasons to complain and fight. And you’ll live happily ever after :)