I am sitting in my room, waiting for my friend to arrive. A friend,
who promised several times but ditched every single time. So when i get a text that I won’t be seeing
him today I loose my temper. Forgetting all the good things he has done for me I
deliberately send him a nasty text just to make him feel sorry beyond words.
But after two days when I sit back and ponder on why i did
what i did; I realised words don't have the power to hurt you. Unless, the person who
said them means a lot to you. And when that “means a lot” person doesn't
fulfill your expectations then you don’t act but you react.
Your reaction defies Newton’s third law. Your reaction is
far louder than action.
Your reaction is not controlled by your mind but your heart.
And that is why it is said it is more difficult to control your heart than
mind.
Sometimes it’s just wise to sit back and do nothing –
neither act nor react. Just stay calm. But it is easier said than done; especially,
if you are as volatile as me.
While I was pondering on ACTION-REACTION I came across an interesting
incident. And that is how this blog post idea came to my mind. Let me take you
through that story.
A few years ago, a TVC director was at a dinner party with
an ad agency NCD in one of the advertising festivals. The NCD had given the
director some great projects and helped make him successful. The director was a
witty guy, and was known in advertising fraternity for his creative sense of
humor. But at some point he said something the NCD didn't like. The NCD
couldn't think of a witty response immediately. So he poured his glass of wine
over the director’s jeans.
Now there were basically two responses at that point for the
Director to react.
The director could react emotionally. He could thump the NCD
(unlikely, it could end in a law suit). He could get up and walk out (bad
choice, it looks a sulk). He could wittily put the CEO down (he looks good but
it’s probably the end of the relationship). He could ask for money to get his jeans
dry cleaned (embarrassing, the NCD will probably just toss him a couple of 100
notes).
Or the other choice was he could act rationally. Not
emotionally.
Just laugh it off and carry on with the evening. Realising
that the NCD had given you many expensive commercials in the past. He could
probably give you many more in the future. You could load a few grand onto the
next commercial to assuage the insult if you want. In fact you could load
several grand onto every commercial he gives you from now on. You could get
even that way. That glass of wine could end up costing him tens of thousands of
Rupees.
That’s if you act rationally. Or it ends up costing you tens
of thousands of Rupees if you act emotionally.
See, none of the options are wrong. But, like everything in
life, they each come with consequences.
To stay in control of your life, all you have to do is
constantly be aware of the consequences of your choices. Then choose
accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with standing up and thumping the NCD. As
long as you’re prepared to never work for him again. Plus a possibly costly
court case for assault, and expensive damages from the restaurant. If you’re
willing to accept all of that then go ahead and thump him. But don’t moan about
it afterwards.
The director didn't His immediate thought was probably
something like “This is really embarrassing. Shall I throw my glass of wine
back?”
Followed immediately by “What will that cost me?”
And he weighs the short-term benefits of getting even
against the long-term benefits of swallowing the insult. He decides he’d rather
have the big money. The jeans dry-clean cost
around Rs. 150; he stands to make tens of thousands. It would be nuts to throw
that away. So he sits and smiles. He balances an evening’s embarrassment
against a lot of money.
That’s existentialism. That’s street smartness. That’s
business mindedness. That’s action.
There’s nothing wrong with whatever choice you make. As long
as the preferred consequences are factored into your choice. The only thing
wrong is pretending you have no choice over the consequences. That’s what
Sartre calls ‘living inauthentically’. Pretending you have no choice. You
always have a choice. Of course, you may not like the choices. But you always
have a choice.
All it takes is ‘split-second awareness’ that marks the distinction
between a ‘reaction’ and an ‘action’. Be rational whenever possible. It is
always possible.
So moral of the story ACT,
DON’T REACT.
Incidentally, that commercials director now has much
more money than that NCD.
