Men are RASAGULLAS. Women are JALEBIES.

What women want? This question has plagued the mind of humankind for generations and generations. However, what men want is fairly simple. Men are Simple Beings whereas Women are Complex Creatures. And that's exactly the reason why I am calling this blog post title what it is.

To understand their wants, this time I decided to dig deeper and table out the differences between the two genders when they think about Love and commitment. While doing so I consulted lot my friends from both the genders, listened to lot of Ted Talks, spent hours on brainpickings.org and gathered whatever secondary data I could lay my hands on. And this is what I have to say.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE CHALK AND CHEESE WHEN IT COMES TO :

• RELATIONSHIPS: For women, relationship is a very special, mature connection between two individuals. It's a very special bond that they dream will last FOREVER. We see ourselves growing old with our partners like our grandparents did.  But for men, relationship is to have someone in your life that makes you happy, both emotionally and physically. They are not so future oriented. They think only about today's pleasure. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run. Men, on the other hand are not so fussy about working on a relationship. They are slightly lazy and easy-going when it comes to relationships. Men don't like to be questioned. Therefore when they are being made to stand in a guilty box they tend to run away. They don't want to break the relationships but they hate to be questioned on routine basis. Once they decide to break the relationship, there is no going back. Whereas women generally change their decision multiple times because the emotional investment is way too higher from their side. After the breakup, women seek closure through dialogue whereas men seek solace in avoidance and distraction. Women want to talk it out. Men want to bottle it in.

• LOVE: Women think of love in terms of Mills & Boons and Yash Raj romance. They want a guy like Raj of DDLJ who can love them, cherish them, pamper them, talk to them, listen to them, and make them the centre of their universe. They want love, protection and security. However, men think of love more in terms of sex aka Babydoll Sone Di. They do not daydream about romantic love; it is the sexual aspect of the relationship that has their attention. Women See Relationships, Men See Body Parts. Men want flesh, women want love. And the reason why they behave so differently is Testosterone. Men have 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women. This results in a strong drive for sex in men. For men, having a long tally of their sexual conquests is a hallmark of achievement. Women on the other hand correlate sex and love. Men play love to get sex whereas women play sex to get love. Another big difference is men love their freedom the most. Their biggest fear is losing their freedom. They hate to justify their 'last seen at...' Whatsapp status to their girlfriend. They enjoy the company and love of their girlfriend but hate the questions and nagging bit. They just can't give the reins of their life to someone else. Remember Pyaar Ka Punchnama famous scene -[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIpmML49hMU]

• BRAIN PROCESSING: Men are able to compartmentalise  different pieces of  information like  emotions, behaviour, physical attributes, relationships, jobs, sex, romance, friendship, family etc. into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together. Men see individual issues with parts of their brain, while women look at the holistic or multiple issues with their whole brain. Men can switch over from one compartment to another in no time without carrying a trace from one to another whereas women fail to do so. Therefore generally after a breakup men move on easily without their work-life balance getting affected whereas women take far longer to get over it. One look at their face and people can tell that they are going through some personal turmoil. Their face is their mirror. However, exceptions are always there.

• LAW OF ATTRACTION: We value that which is hard to get and we think little of that which is easily obtained. In men-women relationships, you are attracted to the person who is hard to get and you run from the one who chases you. The law remains the same for both in the initial phase. The difference arises when both get committed. So while women apply their rational side a lot in the attraction phase, they let their emotional side take over when they get committed. They don't raise doubts and start dreaming about their future together. On the other hand, men don't think too rationally before enrolling themselves in the chase game. For Men, the thrill is in the chase. After the conquest has been made, men are ready to move on to the next challenge. They don’t care about the emotional wreckage they have left behind them. After winning over the women, mystery wanes and so does their feelings. What once used to be attractive seems to become boring and irritating.

• COMMITMENT: This word sends chills to men's body as soon as it is uttered by their lady love. It is their biggest phobia. They are eager to fall in love but too scared to commit. And when they eventually do, it is after lot of deliberation and rational calibration. Emotions don't rule their decisions. They weigh every pros and con before committing. For them, it is not a game of love but a mission to be accomplished. They would never venture into a relationship that can put them off guard or pose difficult questions in the future. They don't want to mess up the equilibrium of their family and career. They like to play safe when it comes to commitment. However, for women it is the opposite. They say yes to a love proposal after visualising their entire life with the guy proposing. They would think up to their grandchildren before saying a yes. Another big difference is, men always have a plan B in mind. They would never put all their eggs in one basket. While they would be dating a girl, they would simultaneously be turning on their ignitions for another chase game.

HOPE THE RASAGULLAS AND JALEBIS CAN LOOK BEYOND THEIR DIFFERENCES AND STAY HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

The above points are generic and as I mentioned earlier, exceptions are always there. I truly believe that not all men are same. Some men are quite hesitant to start or carry on a relationship with a girl that they think they'll not be able to commit to, therefore instead of breaking the girls heart at the end, they halt their engines in the beginning itself. While some men don't venture on the path, others know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know true love and fidelity are the main ingredients. When they meet the right woman they  try their best to make it work. The only small issue is realizing when you have met the right woman. Sometimes they get bogged down by the fear of difficulties and compromise even before trying. My advice to them would be

Don't belittle love. There are too many ordinary things in life. Let love be extraordinary and precious.

TOTALLY UNRELATED STUFF THAT I WANT TO SHARE

I am a hopeless romantic (thanks to Sharukh Khan) therefore in spite of shredding my heart into million pieces I'll continue believing in true love. True love which is unselfish and is committed. I believe in love even if the other person has moved on. My love will always be with him. Only for him. Because my love doesn't believe in giving up. It only believes in one thing - to love, no matter what. I might not shout out from the top of a mountain but it'll silently climb up the hills. My love is not bound by the shackles of the worldly possessions, inhibitions and rituals. It is beyond all this. My heart only knows how to love and it will continue loving you. No matter what.

Just like Don Williams I will continue believing in love. I believe in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rktW3byqdOs

PS: There are some interesting videos on understanding love. I particularly like Helen Fisher's work.  

Some of my favourite quotes are:

“Millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner."

"Romantic love is not an emotion. It’s a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind"

"Barriers tend to intensify romance. It's called the 'Romeo and Juliet effect.' I call it 'frustration attraction."

"You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life - but no, you just love them harder."

"After a man falls madly in love, he no longer cares how old she is."

“Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being.”

In case you want to hear some of her speeches. Then here are the links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a2PvlD-O9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OYfoGTIG7pY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY

Serendipity - A Gift wrapped Catastrophe

It was 8:30 am and the group of 15 strangers-turned-friends was raring to challenge the mountain and experience a never seen before beauty of Triund Hill - Heaven on earth for nature lovers and trekkers. We knew the 6 kms trek was tough and will challenge not just the city dwellers physical stamina but mental stamina too. Still the enthusiasm was too overpowering to be weighed down by the scare of the obstacles. The enigmatic euphoria made us complete a journey of five hours in just three hours. And the top view was so breathtakingly beautiful that it didn't give our mind any wandering space to let  fatigue or negative thoughts creep in.

After soaking ourselves in the natural beauty, followed by lengthy photo sessions, forever ongoing chat sessions,  the soulful live music jam sessions; we decided to call it a night with grand plans for the next day.

We were all too happy to realise that the movie was actually a thriller not a romcom. The serendipity changed into a nightmare. It was bone-numbing cold out there in the open and we were severely under-prepared. The temperature was  zero degree and our tents were not even ready to face 15 degrees.  In between tossing and turning and shivering in the cold with the background score of a storm and dogs howling on a full moon night, we somehow managed to get over the night. Next day morning, we woke up with happy thoughts of embarking on another 60 minutes trek to witness the most mesmerising sunrise from the highest point - The temple of Shri Kunal Pathri Devi but God had other plans. It started raining and snowing, which in other words meant that forget the onward trek even our downward trek was in danger. We were warned by our guide that  downward trek is way too difficult than trekking upwards even in normal conditions. And rain and melting snow would further make it more dangerous as it often leads to loss of control and many mishaps. Following our guide's advice, we changed our plans to safely reach our base instead of trekking ahead.

Being a brave heart, who like to face challenges head on, I decided to lead. I started my downward journey ahead of everyone else. And I was the first one to finish our trek in flat two hours. So the trek which was difficult for many was a cakewalk for me.

During this trip, besides enjoying the nature's moody beauty and making some good friends, I tested my limits too and I was pleasantly surprised with myself. I was really looking forward to this trip for numerous reasons. It was my escape from the harsh reality. And it proved to be one. I had the time of life. Met some awesome people. Forgot all the heartache. I was brimming with hope and joy when I reached the concrete jungle.

However, like always, the joy was short lived. I didn't have an inkling that there was a worse news waiting for me. I didn't have a clue that the news I am going to get after experiencing the most awesome weekend will sweep away the ground beneath my feet. For a second I could not believe my ears. I was speechless. I was numb.I didn't know what was happening around me.

The year 2014 had started on a BIG HIGH for me but since then I have been getting jolts after jolts. And this one is perhaps the biggest.

But does that mean I give up?

NO.

I stand again with a resolve to win again.

Perhaps these jolts are necessary to challenge my limits and discover my true potential.

Also, I learnt one big lesson in the last 3 months that besides being forever optimist, it is good to be cynical too. Oxymoronic? Yeah. But sometimes oxymoron can co-exist. Pay attention to your intuition and observation while staying optimistic because:

What feels like 'too good to be true' is actually not True. It is your intuition's warning to brace yourself for the upcoming catastrophe.

In other words, Serendipity is a gift wrapped Catastrophe.

Though serendipity has positive connotations but you should always take it with a pinch of salt. Prepare yourself to brace the chaos too. Serendipity is not as simple as Oxford dictionary says it. It is far more complicated. There are different stages of happiness and randomness in the Serendipity curve.

So my advice to myself and others (in case anyone is interested) while you enjoy serendipity do take your intuition seriously to avoid the gift wrapped Catastrophe :)