Being a woman sports fan.

When you have grown up in a family where your favourite pastime is to watch sports, mind it sports not cricket, then you are bound to develop an interest in sports by default. Our dinner table discussions revolved around Azhar, Kapil, Ajay Jadeja, PT Usha, Leaner Paes, Prakash Padukone and very rarely Shanti, Svetlana could find place in our discussions. Guess coming from an army background changes your outlook towards life and the activities you indulge into. Although, I was more into watching than playing and that’s perhaps the reason why height didn't favour me. Anyways it's no surprise that I grew up to become an avid sports fan.

Barring my folks and friends, people still "test" me day in and day out on my sports knowledge. They still can’t come to terms that a girl can like sports too. Agreed, there are lesser number of women sports persons but that shouldn't be the reason for me not liking sports. Maybe I have more of my father in my genes. Or maybe I have a boy’s soul in a girl’s body :) I am sure reading that statement crazy ideas would be going in your mind. But rest your imagination horses.

Now let’s come back to the topic of being a woman sports fan.

The barrage of question would start with "Oh, really, you like sports?" and then there will be a tsunami of questions to test my knowledge, to prove myself if I was genuinely interested in sports or was I just faking to impress guys or just to stand out from other girls.

Once I would pass the first hurdle, the bar would be set higher for me. Stats, records, rules, players all will be tested. Believe you me, a life of a female fan is not easy and it’s damn difficult to fit into a male-dominated sports culture. Fandom is not measured by loyalty towards a team, but by the knowledge of statistics, players and history. Even though off late, more female fans have started following sports but still women are not fully accepted as equal-status fans by our male counterparts. We are still looked upon as lesser beings. Recently an avid sports fan indirectly made a pass at me saying that I don’t understand football at all and I made him think that Keys and Gray were right about what they have said about female sports fans. Here’s what Keys and Gray are reported to have said about Massey:

“Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her,” said Keys.
“Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule,” said Gray.
Keys replied “Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny (Dalglish) will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?” And then he added “The game’s gone mad. Did you hear charming [West Ham vice-chairwoman] Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour, love.”

Though I was initially hurt to read his comment but later on I reconciled to the fact that even if I know nothing about the game, it should not deter me from following the game  I love so much. Since I have not followed football from my childhood therefore my knowledge cannot be compared with them. I am a slow learner but let me learn it my way not your way. Why should I be made fun of? Doesn't this mindset reek of male chauvinism in a milder avatar. But I have no complaints since everyone is entitled to his opinion. I will do what I feel is right and you can do what you feel is right. So, what is it that makes men feel so fidgety about accepting women as sport fans? Maybe it has got to do with them being misogynist :) (a hot favourite word of one of my tweep friend these days). There could be multiple reasons. I could think of few:

• Sports fell into male territory. My limited knowledge from history books, movies suggest that sports were considered to be an activity for the alpha members of the family. Outdoor activities which included hunting and sports were clearly a male domain. Female encroachment wasn't acceptable and was considered as trespassing. 

• Men and women consume sports differently and speak a different language. For women, it's a sensory experience that ends with the match, except for some unforgettable ones like Ind-Pak CWC match or France-Italy WC football final match or Djokovic-Nadal Australian open final. However, for men, it’s more to do with cerebral experience. For them match doesn't end with the match. In fact it’s a beginning to those endless discussions. They love to discuss games threadbare. The pregame analysis, the post game analysis, dressing room politics, team selection etc. Collecting sports knowledge, is as important as the game itself. Whosoever possesses the maximum knowledge has one-upmanship in his group. If you are not into sports, you are not man enough. You are sissy.

• Other reason could be sport is the only arena left for men to express their masculinity, besides in the bed ;) They think the fairer sex is a weaker sex and cannot play/watch sports for long. They think women don’t have the brains and patience to think beyond their kitty parties. But excusez-moi you are completely wrong.

• Stereotyping is what everybody loves to do. Most of the Indian men have grown up in households where their sisters or mothers have not watched sports. Therefore men tend to generalize that women can’t play sports. Infact our movies like Kutch Kutch Hota Hai have reinforced the same by saying “Girls can’t play basketball”. Even brands like Gatorade, Nike, redbull, Cinthol, that have taken sportiness as their advertising plank, always resort to taking male models simply because that’s the common perception. 

• No women sports culture. Women are not promoted to play sports. In childhood when boys play cricket, girls play hide and seek, tippi-tippi-tap, gudiya-gudiya, posham-pa, stappu, ludo etc. Basically all games that don’t involve physical activities. And since they don’t play sports therefore understanding, relating and liking them doesn't fit into their scheme of things. They feel out of place when boys discuss sports.

• Men don’t watch women spots because they think women aren't good enough and are no match to men competition. However, men do watch women's tennis. But that’s probably because there’s ample skin show. Since they don’t think too highly of women sports persons therefore they somehow perceive that women can’t be good even as spectators.

The reasons could be innumerable but the bottom-line is that Girls are still treated like an outsider in sports discussions, which discomforts me. But slowly and steadily things are changing and men are becoming more open minded. Though,there’s still a long way to go.

I agree I am not as knowledgeable about sports as my male friends are. But I am a die-hard sports fan and I don’t feel ashamed to accept that I tend to know less about numbers and history. Maths has always been my weak area, so please excuse me for not remembering the stats, even though I would consume just as much current sports coverage as my male counterparts would.

I like sports because I can relate to them. I find them more passionate and less dramatic. Sports inspire me to try harder and never give up on my dreams. Every morning, last night’s match provide me the fodder for my office cooler conversation. On match days most of my twitter updates would be about the match. Watching sports and discussing them is a great stress buster for me. It helps in bringing people closer to me. I automatically become friends with people who love sports. It's a bonhomie catalyst for me.

In fact the best part about following sports is that even if you are watching a match alone, you are never alone. The constant conversation in the real or virtual world multiplies the fun of watching sports manifolds. It’s like watching a game with friends even when you are alone. 

I am not the one who watches only highlights but I love to watch the match from beginning to end without flipping the channel. My favourite player choice is not based on his legs, or how cute he looks (but of-course excluding Djokovic :)) but how well he plays his game. I might not know everything about every player or his every move but trust me I would know about the team standings, match summaries, the league standings and but of course the rules. Silly point, mid-off, Bouncer, Center Forward, offside, DRS Wing, backhand, cannonball is not nuclear science to me. I am not scarred to engage in a passion filled argument about the team or player I support. I am definitely not a two minute fan to induct myself into the game simply to score with the guys. You don’t have to bother to explain any rules or tactics unless I ask for. Also, I really hate it when somebody would try to disturb my concentration.

My kind of weekend is not to go out on marathon shopping sessions with my girlfriends but to watch a match. I’ll be very happy if I can see it in a stadium or at a pub. I won’t complain even if I see it at home. I get really animated when I am watching the game. You’ll see me cheering the loudest when my team is winning and when my team is doing badly then I’ll be screaming my lungs out to curse the opposition or the referee.

Boys who complain their girlfriends don’t let them watch matches, should make an effort to involve them in the games they love so much. Once your girl cheer with you, trust me you’ll have lesser reasons to complain and fight. And you’ll live happily ever after :)

From Rape...to No Rape State

“Rape is mostly consensual' - Haryana Congress leader

'I think that girls should be married at the age of 16, so that they have their husbands for their sexual needs, and they don't need to go elsewhere. This way rapes will not occur' - Haryana Khap Panchayat member Sube Singh

"Rapes happening because men and women are interacting more freely". - West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee

'Jaise jaise samay beet-ta hai patni purani hoti jati hai, woh maja nahi reh jata hai." - Union Coal Minister Sriprakash Jaiswal

"One of the reasons behind the increase in incidents of eve-teasing is short dresses and short skirts worn by women. This in turn instigates young men." - Trinamool Congress legislator Chiranjeet Chakraborty

'I think that girls should be married at the age of 16, so that they have their husbands for their sexual needs, and they don't need to go elsewhere. This way rapes will not occur'. - Haryana Khap Panchayat member Sube Singh

"Poverty and intoxication are the main reasons for rape as well as young people sitting together the wrong way. But also eating chowmein causes a hormonal imbalance which is a big reason for rapes." - Khap leader Jitender Chhataar

"If you're referring to the Park Street rape, see that is a different case altogether that was not at all a rape case. It was a misunderstanding between the two parties involved between a lady and her client. This was not a rape." - Trinamool Congress leader Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar

Ban skirts as school uniform to reduce harassment of girl students: BJP MLA Banwari Lal Singhal

The 23-year-old paramedic’s gang rape in Delhi shook the entire nation. And I think it even shook the mental balance of our politicians.

The aforesaid foolish responses are from our POLITICAL CLASS that is supposed to represent our thoughts. But I am really sorry my dear politicians, I beg to differ. I don’t think any of the above statements reflect our thoughts. It is your sick mentality that has helped the criminals to commit such heinous crimes.

We know you give a damn about our safety. And I am not even expecting the same from you, even though I pay you a hefty tax from my modest salary. When you take an oath you promise to work for the people. You owe me at least a safe life, if not a good life. But that’s like a dream beyond dreams. I just have a small request - please don’t demonstrate your sick mentality by making such primordial misogynist irresponsible statements. Your regressive thinking is the reason why women are still treated like commodities.

And it’s not just our politicians who blame victims instead of taking action against perpetrators. Our police too suffer from the same mental disorder. Few days back we saw a sting operation done by Tahelka on the Delhi-NCR police. Our ‘rakshaks’ think women are the ones inviting rape. They went to an extent saying “she asked for it” and “it is consensual most of the time”. They blamed young women for not staying within their boundaries, for wearing revealing clothes, for partying late, for drinking alcohol, for enticing men. According to them no rape would happen without the girl’s provocation.




So when the police, who we entrust with our safety, have such misanthropist views what solution can we expect from them. Obviously their apathy towards victims is the reason why so many rape cases go unreported. They will ask uncomfortable questions which makes the ordeal more painful for the sufferers. They blame victims for enforcing the rape upon them. Few days back in Patiala, the 17 year old rape victim ultimately ended her life. In her suicide note, the girl mentioned harassment by the police and the fact that she was being mentally tortured to compromise with the rapists. Why it was so difficult to understand that poor girl’s plight? Why nobody stood for her? Why a girl’s life is so worthless?

Coming back to the way a rape victim is treated in our shameless society. Her ordeal doesn't end at the police station. It continues even in our blindfolded judiciary. Some of our judges too endorse the patriarchal mindset. There have been numerous incidents wherein they have quashed the cases just citing stupid reasons. And even if they do hear the cases how many times have we seen the culprits being punished? I doubt that has ever happened else there would not so many rape cases. Our legal system doesn't work for the victims but for the culprits.



Let’s first understand this social evil. Rape is not just a stat figure. There is not one kind of rape but many kinds – ‘not-a-rape’ marital rape, patriotic rape (what our defence forces commit in Kashmir, northeast etc.), the minority rape, the lowly caste rape, rape by law protectors (police, politicians do when a rape victim goes for help), honour rape (to teach a lesson to victim’s family member) and many more.

Why men rape?

• Overblown sense of masculinity. Women’s consent is taken for granted
• Patriarchal society and hypocrite mindset: preach one thing and do other thing
• No respect for women and society
• Women are seen as sexual objects instead of sexual beings
• Lack of education and moral values
• No fear of law and order
• Bad family and past experiences
• Lack of sex and sexual awareness.
• Violent streak in character

The reasons could be innumerable. The question that I am raising is not what, how and why rape is committed. But how we can stop this epidemic from further spreading?

Time has come when we have to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Let’s not allow the non-accountable to shriek from their responsibility. Let’s kick the medieval and non-acting politicians out of our system by voting them out of power in the polls. Let’s not spare politicians, police or law makers until our demand for stringent women safety measures are met. 

We should use this incident as a starting point. Let’s not allow it to become a court case that drags on for decades to deliver justice to the deceased brave-heart. Her death should not go in vain. Let’s keep pressure on Government, police and our judiciary to punish the culprits hard, so that any animal would think twice before outraging the modesty of a woman. Let’s not ignore the safety of the women. Let’s have stricter laws and let’s make sure that they are followed too. The one that doesn't abide should not be let go. Let the culprits shudder from even thinking to commit such a crime.



But these are all outward changes, to address the issue we need to look inward too to find a root solution. We need to bring up our children in a way that they should under no circumstance disrespect women. Instead of suggesting talibani solutions to avoid getting raped, we should teach our sons to respect women? Let us begin by getting rid of the sexual violence in our homes and society. Let’s confront the rapists, child abusers and wife-beaters by breaking our silences. Let’s report and pursue the case till it gets its due justice. Even a small step like not using the swear words (using mothers and sisters) can play a pivotal role. Let’s stop eve-teasing and get rid of the lust that gets evoked when you see an alone girl on  road. Let’s not stay quiet when we see a girl being wronged. Let’s not dictate on how women should dress and behave. Let’s not treat them like animals. It’s time WE START TREATING WOMEN EQUAL. We don’t want a reservation bill for equality we want respect that’s heartfelt.

I am not here to give you a moral science lecture. But I just want to request you to be sensitive towards women at large. For god sake stop treating rape cases like prime-time appointment viewing. Someone’s misery should not be savored. We are talking about scarring someone’s life for forever. When a woman is raped, it’s not just her body that gets abused but even her mind and soul is assaulted for life.



Let’s have an India free of rape.

I hope I am not asking for too much. 

You do your bit. I’ll do mine. 

Lastly I am sorry we couldn't save you.