Men are RASAGULLAS. Women are JALEBIES.

What women want? This question has plagued the mind of humankind for generations and generations. However, what men want is fairly simple. Men are Simple Beings whereas Women are Complex Creatures. And that's exactly the reason why I am calling this blog post title what it is.

To understand their wants, this time I decided to dig deeper and table out the differences between the two genders when they think about Love and commitment. While doing so I consulted lot my friends from both the genders, listened to lot of Ted Talks, spent hours on brainpickings.org and gathered whatever secondary data I could lay my hands on. And this is what I have to say.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE CHALK AND CHEESE WHEN IT COMES TO :

• RELATIONSHIPS: For women, relationship is a very special, mature connection between two individuals. It's a very special bond that they dream will last FOREVER. We see ourselves growing old with our partners like our grandparents did.  But for men, relationship is to have someone in your life that makes you happy, both emotionally and physically. They are not so future oriented. They think only about today's pleasure. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run. Men, on the other hand are not so fussy about working on a relationship. They are slightly lazy and easy-going when it comes to relationships. Men don't like to be questioned. Therefore when they are being made to stand in a guilty box they tend to run away. They don't want to break the relationships but they hate to be questioned on routine basis. Once they decide to break the relationship, there is no going back. Whereas women generally change their decision multiple times because the emotional investment is way too higher from their side. After the breakup, women seek closure through dialogue whereas men seek solace in avoidance and distraction. Women want to talk it out. Men want to bottle it in.

• LOVE: Women think of love in terms of Mills & Boons and Yash Raj romance. They want a guy like Raj of DDLJ who can love them, cherish them, pamper them, talk to them, listen to them, and make them the centre of their universe. They want love, protection and security. However, men think of love more in terms of sex aka Babydoll Sone Di. They do not daydream about romantic love; it is the sexual aspect of the relationship that has their attention. Women See Relationships, Men See Body Parts. Men want flesh, women want love. And the reason why they behave so differently is Testosterone. Men have 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women. This results in a strong drive for sex in men. For men, having a long tally of their sexual conquests is a hallmark of achievement. Women on the other hand correlate sex and love. Men play love to get sex whereas women play sex to get love. Another big difference is men love their freedom the most. Their biggest fear is losing their freedom. They hate to justify their 'last seen at...' Whatsapp status to their girlfriend. They enjoy the company and love of their girlfriend but hate the questions and nagging bit. They just can't give the reins of their life to someone else. Remember Pyaar Ka Punchnama famous scene -[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIpmML49hMU]

• BRAIN PROCESSING: Men are able to compartmentalise  different pieces of  information like  emotions, behaviour, physical attributes, relationships, jobs, sex, romance, friendship, family etc. into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together. Men see individual issues with parts of their brain, while women look at the holistic or multiple issues with their whole brain. Men can switch over from one compartment to another in no time without carrying a trace from one to another whereas women fail to do so. Therefore generally after a breakup men move on easily without their work-life balance getting affected whereas women take far longer to get over it. One look at their face and people can tell that they are going through some personal turmoil. Their face is their mirror. However, exceptions are always there.

• LAW OF ATTRACTION: We value that which is hard to get and we think little of that which is easily obtained. In men-women relationships, you are attracted to the person who is hard to get and you run from the one who chases you. The law remains the same for both in the initial phase. The difference arises when both get committed. So while women apply their rational side a lot in the attraction phase, they let their emotional side take over when they get committed. They don't raise doubts and start dreaming about their future together. On the other hand, men don't think too rationally before enrolling themselves in the chase game. For Men, the thrill is in the chase. After the conquest has been made, men are ready to move on to the next challenge. They don’t care about the emotional wreckage they have left behind them. After winning over the women, mystery wanes and so does their feelings. What once used to be attractive seems to become boring and irritating.

• COMMITMENT: This word sends chills to men's body as soon as it is uttered by their lady love. It is their biggest phobia. They are eager to fall in love but too scared to commit. And when they eventually do, it is after lot of deliberation and rational calibration. Emotions don't rule their decisions. They weigh every pros and con before committing. For them, it is not a game of love but a mission to be accomplished. They would never venture into a relationship that can put them off guard or pose difficult questions in the future. They don't want to mess up the equilibrium of their family and career. They like to play safe when it comes to commitment. However, for women it is the opposite. They say yes to a love proposal after visualising their entire life with the guy proposing. They would think up to their grandchildren before saying a yes. Another big difference is, men always have a plan B in mind. They would never put all their eggs in one basket. While they would be dating a girl, they would simultaneously be turning on their ignitions for another chase game.

HOPE THE RASAGULLAS AND JALEBIS CAN LOOK BEYOND THEIR DIFFERENCES AND STAY HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

The above points are generic and as I mentioned earlier, exceptions are always there. I truly believe that not all men are same. Some men are quite hesitant to start or carry on a relationship with a girl that they think they'll not be able to commit to, therefore instead of breaking the girls heart at the end, they halt their engines in the beginning itself. While some men don't venture on the path, others know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know true love and fidelity are the main ingredients. When they meet the right woman they  try their best to make it work. The only small issue is realizing when you have met the right woman. Sometimes they get bogged down by the fear of difficulties and compromise even before trying. My advice to them would be

Don't belittle love. There are too many ordinary things in life. Let love be extraordinary and precious.

TOTALLY UNRELATED STUFF THAT I WANT TO SHARE

I am a hopeless romantic (thanks to Sharukh Khan) therefore in spite of shredding my heart into million pieces I'll continue believing in true love. True love which is unselfish and is committed. I believe in love even if the other person has moved on. My love will always be with him. Only for him. Because my love doesn't believe in giving up. It only believes in one thing - to love, no matter what. I might not shout out from the top of a mountain but it'll silently climb up the hills. My love is not bound by the shackles of the worldly possessions, inhibitions and rituals. It is beyond all this. My heart only knows how to love and it will continue loving you. No matter what.

Just like Don Williams I will continue believing in love. I believe in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rktW3byqdOs

PS: There are some interesting videos on understanding love. I particularly like Helen Fisher's work.  

Some of my favourite quotes are:

“Millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner."

"Romantic love is not an emotion. It’s a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind"

"Barriers tend to intensify romance. It's called the 'Romeo and Juliet effect.' I call it 'frustration attraction."

"You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life - but no, you just love them harder."

"After a man falls madly in love, he no longer cares how old she is."

“Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being.”

In case you want to hear some of her speeches. Then here are the links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a2PvlD-O9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OYfoGTIG7pY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY

The ONE

"Wait for the one who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what. Wait for the one who makes you smile like no other, and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the one who wants to show you off when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. Most of all, wait for the one who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously, he's at the center of yours."  - anonymous


This blog post is a sweet fruit of  WAIT.

It is dedicated to a very special person in my life.

I don't want to bring down the sanctity of my relationship by talking about what he means to me. He's not my father, not my brother, not my husband, not my boyfriend, not my colleague, not my friend, not my mentor. He's neither of these...but all of these. He defies any particular relationship. He's way beyond to be shackled in relationships.

He's the one that is exactly like me but still different like chalk and cheese. He's a very special person.

He has changed my life just by being part of it. He met me when I was going through a very hard time.

He makes me laugh until I can't laugh any more.

He cracks silly jokes that make no sense but still I can't stop giggling.

He sings in the most besura manner. He make faces.

He pretends to be angry when i use racial slurs (teasingly only).

He is someone who makes me believe that this world is really beautiful and full of life.

He is the one who says that I should read 'MEN ARE FROM MARS. WOMEN FROM VENUS' to understand men.

He's the one who says that I should find someone good for myself and when someone comes a little close he gets jittery.

In other words, he defines FOREVER FRIENDSHIP.

We confide in each other like no other. I fight with him all the times but he's always there to make it work. He never complains when I take him out for marathon shopping sessions. He lies to his parents to meet me. He sacrifices his sleep to talk to me. He is so much to me that my computer's hard-disk can crash writing about him but I can't stop describing him.



There is an electrifying feeling between us that words cannot describe.

The two of us are inseparable. When we look into each others eyes, time and space have no meaning. Our conversations seem to go on forever. There are no barriers between us. There is a special sacredness to our relationship that transcends anything we've ever experienced before. Our relationship is definitely for the keeps.


So how did we meet? I met him in a totally unplanned and unexpected manner in very unusual circumstances.

Our story sure can make a Bollywood romcom. I met him in a train journey on my friend's wedding. Yes....Jab We Met kinds. But in a different avatar.

And rest is history. We didn't connect instantly. The last leg of our trip made it happen.

And I am so glad we did. He understood me without knowing a thing about me. And I think that was the turning point. He had surprised me in so many ways that I have lost the count now.

I don't know whether he's my SOUL MATE or not. But he definitely is a part of my soul.

Let me tell you how soul-mate originated. It is believed to be created by Greek Gods

Apparently, humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them: you and your soul mate are destined to find each other.

We are like riverbanks that can walk alongside but can never be together. I don't know what future holds for us. But he is special and will always be special in my life.

I really wish him luck and loads of love and happiness in life. The way he's made my ordinary life a happy life may his life be a life of what dreams our made of!

I am sure happiness too would be obliged to find a great companion like him.

LONG LIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP!

Give life a second chance

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Maria Robinson

This is not just a line but a life changing statement that has transformed millions of lives over the ages.

Let me start this post with a moral science story which I am sure each one of us would have heard during our school time.

The King and The Spider. 

Vikram, a brave king, once had to fight against a large army with just a few soldiers. He was defeated and had to run for his life. He took shelter in a forest cave. He was very depressed. He was blankly gazing at the ceiling of the cave and suddenly an interesting thing happened.

A small spider was trying to weave a web across the cave ceiling. As the spider crawled up, a thread of the web broke and the spider fell down. But the spider did not give up. He tried to climb again and again. Finally, the spider successfully climbed up and completed the web.

Vikram began to think, "If a small spider can face failure so bravely, why should I give up? I will try with all might till I win". This thought gave strength to the defeated king.

Vikram again and again fought against the large army and finally, after many attempts defeated the large army and regained his kingdom. He had learnt a lesson from the spider.

So the moral of the story is – Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

Life is all about second chances. 

We don’t live in a perfect world. We’re not perfect people.

If we don’t achieve in the first go then it doesn’t mean we give up on our dreams. We should try again the same thing or try afresh something else. The key is never to give up. 

We rarely get things right the first time.  We might not be successful in the first go but perseverance eventually turns things around.

Personally I don't even remember the number of second chances that I have taken so far but I’m not ashamed of them.  Even though I’ve failed a lot, it means I’ve tried a lot too. I might have failed in different spheres of life – relations, love, job, health etc. but I have not lost faith in any one of them.

What transmutes an obstacle into an opportunity is your attitude.  Giving a second chance in life is showing a middle finger to failures in your life. 

As Lou Holtz rightly said “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”

When I was in school my parents dreamt of me becoming a doctor. I too tried hard but life had better plans for me. I couldn’t crack the medical exam but I did get through physiotherapy. However, had to let go of that opportunity considering that time it wasn’t a popular career option.

So instead of taking it negatively I decided to move on. I tried my hand at a different stream. I settled for a graduation in Industrial Microbiology. It was an interesting exposure as it made me realize that I am not cut for science stream. Next I moved on to do my Post Graduate diploma in advertising & communication. Again I entered into an unknown territory.

Whatever decisions I took in my career or my life I have no regrets as they have made me a wiser person. I have learned more from my mistakes than from my successes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like success. I am very competitive by nature. And I take life in a challenging manner. Giving up just doesn’t exist in my dictionary.

People enter a relationship with rosy dreams but when it doesn’t work out, they try hard to make it work for some time. Some more time…and…some more time. When they realize that it’s not going to happen then the best thing is to move on. This decision might be extremely harsh as it affects not just two individual’s life but others lives too. 

Sometimes facing harsh reality today carves a beautiful path for tomorrow.

So give life another chance. Don’t compromise.

 

When Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupati partnership didn’t work out then instead of letting it drag and affect their game, they amicably decided to part ways at the peak of their career.

And the result is in front of our eyes. Recently Paes captured 50^th doubles title.

There are innumerable stories wherein people kept faith in themselves and embraced life not as it came but what they envisaged.

Here are few motivational stories:

Christopher Reeve. The actor who played Superman became paralyzed as a result of a riding accident. Ironical! Reeve used to cry every day dealing with the reality of being in a wheelchair. But after cryinh hard daily, he would tell himself, “And now, forward!” Despite his handicap, Reeve was an exemplary model of courage. He continued to travel, gave public appearances, raised funds, became a director and served as a voice for the quadriplegics in the United States.  

Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, got fired after just one performance. His manager, Jimmy Denny, told him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

 

 But your ambition has nothing to do with your age. It’s to do with your pursuit for excellence.

Below few examples illustrate the same:

 

Colonel Sanders: KFC lovers might find it unbelievable that Colonel Sander’s idea was rejected 1009 times over a period of 2 years.  He was 65 when Kentucky Fried Chicken was launched. Before turning into a successful entrepreneur Sander took lot of second chances in life - his  many jobs included farmhand, army mule-tender, motel operator, aspiring lawyer, failed political candidate and, amateur obstetrician. Today, more than 12 million people eat at KFC each day in 109 countries.

Walt Disney. The founder on whose cartons many generations have grown up was fired from his first job because he was told that he lacked imagination.

 Dr. Peter Mark Roget: Age is just a number when you talk about Roget.  He invented Thesaurus. at Age 73. Till 61 he was an accomplished doctor, lecturer and inventor. Thereafter the second lease of life happened.

 

I have come across many people who have compromised with their dreams, life and love because they found it convenient and non-disturbing.

My urge to those guys is that life is too precious to be compromised for anything. What is not working today might work tomorrow. The important thing is to listen to your heart. If it says give it a try then go full throttled. If it says it won’t then the best thing is to streamline your energies in other things that could give you a better future. 

You can restart your life at any given point. Here is a quick checklist to fast forward >>>>>

• Let go of the baggage and move on from the past.
• Learn lesson from your experience.
• Get rid of the negative attitude.
• Bravely accept accountability for your current situation.
• Focus on the things you can or want to change.
• Figure out what you really want.
• Eliminate the non-essentials.
• Be specific and concentrate on the main thing.
• Focus on DOING instead of NOT DOING.
• Chalk out a to-do strategy.
• Maintain self-control and work on it for real.
• Forget about impressing people.

Lastly but most importantly is to stay happy and to be open minded. 

Do not sulk and be cynical. 

As Oscar Wilde said “cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."

Valentine’s Day: When a boring week day turns into a RED DAY!!!!!

Apologies for the long break. Could not help it though, as pappi pet ka sawal came in the way of blogging. However, it gave me some fodder for my blog.

During the Valentine’s week many things made it to the BREAKING NEWS – Delhi's Israeli Bomb Blast, Dhoni’s never ending love with thrilling climax to the ODIs, SC rejecting Army Chief VK Singh’s plea, Politicians celebrating every day as promise day in UP elections, Sahara making Indian cricket team besahara and a peaceful VALENTINE’S DAY celebrations for a change.

So what is that I am going to bore you with today? Well, since I am a prisoner of love what best then writing about Valentine’s Day.

Now let me begin with some history gyan about Valentine’s Day.

The origin of this day is from my favourite country – Italy.

Italy is one place that I am dying to see. Italian food, architecture and culture attract me like a magnet. Maybe my something is waiting there! Time I start planning my next holiday.

Anyways that’s a topic to be pondered over next time. Let me come back to the original point.

Valentine’s Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno, the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl’s name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody wars and to enroll more soldiers into army Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome that time. He and Saint Marius secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. To show gratitude towards Saint Valentine the pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavored to celebrate this day on the name of Saint Valentine’s Day.

So you see Valentine’s Day actually started with a SACRIFICE. Love was to be savored not lusted for.
Also, nowhere it was patented that only boys would make all efforts to please the girls. It was a mutual effort.

But today Valentine’s Day has turned into a Merchandise Day.

City gets painted in Red. Girls deck up in red from top to toe, holding red roses with red gifts. Heart is no more a part of your body but is suspended in Malls. So much is red mania that I hate seeing anybody draped in red.

These days’ materialistic pleasures have taken over the heart matters. The colored lenses never allow you to see through the depths of your heart in your eyes.

I have an inherent problem with all these so called days that celebrate LOVE, MOTHERS, WOMEN, FATHER, and CHILDREN among scores of other things.

I believe that love and relationships are to be celebrated every day.

So here's a toast to every day of Life. Make it count!!!!!!!!

MEN AND THE 'C' WORD

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, liberating, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, disparaging, excruciating, demeaning and time-wasting.

This week is Valentine’s week where love is not just in the air but on my TV, phone, newspaper, radio, malls, internet…actually everywhere. 

Love it or hate it but you just can’t ignore it. So, in such a love filled environment why am I writing a post which is contrary to the topic of LOVE. Not that I am Love cynic. I very much believe in love and am perennially in love. Just that I have seen enough of life that I have somehow managed to see through what kind of love works and what doesn't. And, as they say love is blind I thought this is the right time to remove the blinkers from the eyes of love-struck puppies so that they don't get hurt by bad love.

In this post I am not going to talk about how beautiful love is and how you should savor it for life. I am going to write about a disease called COMMITMENT PHOBIA that mostly men suffer from and as a result they make their girls suffer too.

Commitment phobia among men today is nearly as common as common cold. In Indian culture, where loyalty and monogamous relationships are much appreciated - men are afraid of not commitment but committing a long term mistake. 

If they do a mistake, then instead of opting for 'cutting the graft' approach they usually go in for a ‘no-strings attached’ benefit approach. in other words 'Polygamy'. If they are not married then they won't mind dating multiple girls and if they are married then EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR is ‘the’ thing for them.  

Hypocrisy runs in their blood and balls. They can go against monogamy in life, but will never speak against it. It makes them a monster. No one speaks against it? And this creates a dichotomy, between what they live and what they profess. 

As one of my stranger-cum-friend quoted that men are simple and insecure by nature who would not like to have too many complexities in their lives. They would prefer material expenses over emotional and mental expenses. They would not have the guts to walk out of a wrecked marriage but would be more than willing to have an affair with a pretty young thing. Icing on the cake would be if she happens to be dumb. Men just can’t tolerate emotional pangs.

They would love to live multiple untangled lives simultaneously. They would want to be an ideal son/husband/dad when at home…ideal boyfriend when out with a girl…and ideal employee at work. 

They would never want to disturb this equilibrium. They prefer practicality over being emotional. They would love to take you out for lunches, dinners, shopping, vacations and anything that MasterCard can buy. But anything else that money can’t buy and could risk their life equilibrium would instigate them to disappear and call it off without giving you any warning. 

When you’ll think that all is going well and you are ready to move to the next stage, they would stiffen up. Would say nothing but would avoid an eye contact with you...and thereafter would never return your calls. The moment love comes into picture that very moment your relationship is over. The romance evaporates in no time. These commitment phobic men are not looking for LOVE but LUST N FUN. 

So the important question is why Men are so commitment phobic? 

Reasons could be many:

• Fear of losing freedom,
• Past baggage,
• Monotonous sex life,
• Insecurity about their partners,
• Feeling not ready to take the plunge,
• Easier access to sex,
• Too much commitment pressure
• Misanthropist towards women,

Most obvious reason for men not liking commitment idea is that it signals the end of fun and freedom.

But there’s another version of the story. Let me explain it through an example.

A dear friend of mine who went around with a girl for five years ended up marrying her not because he wanted to but he was pressurized by the girl. He wasn’t ready to take the plunge but gave into impulse and ever surmounting pressure. And the result is that after 11years of courtship, marriage and multiple marriage counseling sessions they are on the verge of a divorce. There are no family issues or other women involved here. So what went wrong? Well it wasn’t that the guy was commitment phobic but he could not decide wisely because tremendous pressure robed him out of his sanity.

Not always men are commitment phobic, but sometimes women are too eager to enter a committal relationship rather than just let it develop naturally over time. This forcing tends to drive people away, the same as if an overeager salesman tries to push you into buying something, even when it’s something you may actually want to buy; you would end up shoving him away because his pushing has off-putted you.

When your man becomes commitment phobic and disappears from your life then something about you didn't fit into his perception of a relationship. The common ones are, too needy in terms of emotional, physical or financial support, acting like a girlfriend/wife before he is ready, mothering him or just giving too much of yourself. When you give him too much then he’ll start feeling like there’s a mismatch in yours and his intensity. He’ll always feel the pressure to reciprocate even when he would not want to. He'll feel indebted towards you. Not a good feeling. He may not feel like returning the gestures, but feels obligated to do so. No man wants to do anything out of obligation. It takes the fun out of it. 

So how can you save yourself from dealing with these commitments phobic men?

Best thing is to choose the guy wisely and be upfront. Tell him exactly what your expectations are from the very beginning. Maybe you'll lose him, but it's okay. Let him go. Remember this saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." If he's really in love with you, he will come at a point where he realizes that his biggest fear is not in committing to you, but in losing you!

Trust me this always works. Men respond to distance, not words.

But the other problem that could occur later on is by the time he realizes he’s in love with you and is ready for the commitment you could be out of love. But that’s ok. Maybe he wasn’t right for you. Maybe you were too good for him. Maybe he had to learn a hard lesson through you….lot of maybes but eventually you’ll be happy and not sad. 

The fact of the matter is being in love with a commitment phobic man is emotionally exhausting. You hold onto how it was in the beginning and ignore how it is now.  No magic wand will transform the non committal man into a great partner. 

The best thing is to let it go and move on in life. No point sulking and wasting your life on a person that doesn’t value your emotions. You might find it extremely painful to walk out of a relationship since you would have invested so much emotionally but whatever you do, don’t compromise your dignity. Remember you were born as an individual and will go as an individual. Don’t let an oddball treat you as trash and keep justifying his behavior every other day. Walk out of the relationship if need be. It is no good watering a withered plant. It’s better to part on a good note than ruin your life – 

“Challo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono…”

Love your Life

Adoore Sapne

Ae dil sambhal ja zara…

Kyun tu khud ko tabah karne hai chala…

Kyun dekhe sapne jo kabhi na honge poore…

Kyun sochta hai iss baar anzam alag hoga…

Kyun tujhe lagta hai ke iss baar koi tujhe samjhega...

Kyun sochta hai mehman ke jagah iss bar tera humsafar tere saath hoga.

 

Majhi badal jaane se toofan nahi ruka karte...

Teri zindagi to sabse bada toofan hai…

Tu kyun toofan mein kashti chalata hai…

Teri kismat mein sirf tootna likha hai aur wahi hoga… 

Kyun sochta hai tera pyaar kissi ko badal dega…

Behtar yahi hai tu sambhal ja aur khud ko hi badal le…

Why life is so multidimensional?

When adam and eve were alive then their life must have been linear with just one aberration- apple. Which later on changed their life for forever.

Today we live a life of cobwebs where every moment we have to fight multidimensional problems. There is absolutely nothing simple in our lives. Right from waking up till the time we travel to dreamland, we are always fire fighting. We are always living on the edge. Personal life is sacrificed for professional life and vice versa. Still we face criticism and apathy everywhere.

Then there is a huge gap between expectations and deliveries. In every match we hope sachin to score his 100th ton but what we get to see is the entire team getting out on 192. We hope that we will get good appraisals but what we get in hand is peanuts with sky high inflation. We start working on a new business thinking we'll change the world. But we end up fighting over a logo size. We buy a house thinking we'll have a place to call it OUR AASHIYANA but we end up getting EMI life sentence.

We get into a relationship thinking it to last long, if not eternal, but what we get is a bitter lesson. Which we keep experiencing again and again without drawing any lessons from it. When we fall in love with someone we think that we are going to love an individual but we end up dealing with a barrel of problems related to that one individual. We try to solve that for a bit. But eventually the plural problems take over the singular love.

Multidimensions confusing the linear thought process. Somewhere we loose out the heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection. More than sharing and enjoying the simple pleasures of life we fight over trivial issues. All the time we are fighting for something worthless. And in the process losing out the biggest treasure of life - pure unadulterated happiness.

It is not so difficult to lead a happy life. You just need to fine tune your frequency with the one that you love. But if that someone special is entangled with a worldly mess of problems then it's better to try for a while and then just leave it at a beautiful end. Linear decision taken with the right amount of objectivity is always a better option. No point making an issue out of those multidimensional issues.
Writing this post my mind seems to have find a solution to an entangled mass of thorns :-) hope i can continue with the same clarity of thought for some time.

Express yourself

Reading these two words what comes to your mind - Airtel ad.

Not bad for a brand to create such a superb brand recall. Kudos to the team who worked on this campaign. It's one of my all time favourite campaign

Coming back to our post idea - Express Yourself.

These are  not just any two words but they define the course of your life.

What hurts more?

Saying something and then regretting why you said it 

or 

Not saying anything and then regretting why you didn't say it?

My vote goes for the second one. Why should you hide your feelings for any darn thing. God gave us the art of speech and expression so that we can express ourselves freely. What if it hurts later. It's ok atleast you'll not live with a grudge that you didn't let it out.

Even if no one is listening to you then also butt it out. You never know God might be too busy and might need a second reminder.

Scores of songs, stories, advertisements, films have been written on 'EXPRESS YOURSELF' theme.

Some of my favourite ones are - Madonna's Express Yourself song, Airtel campaign and Lady Gaga's 'Born this way' song which in a way echos the same thought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg47SNWvu0g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lypkFQ3bPg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1FrqwZyKw&ob=av2e

So why is it so important to express yourself?

Well expressing yourself is as important as breathing, eating, sleeping or loving.

You have to be real and not fake because fake doesn't last for long. If you want the relationship of your dreams, you gotta feel good enough about yourself to be real.

It’s pretty easy to start a relationship but difficult to sail through.

Here’s where the sticky part comes in: What do you do the first time you feel angry and you are scared to express yourself as you might get labelled as a bitch?

So you say nothing. You swallow how you really feel and come back for more of that “easy” relationship.
But what is it like being in that relationship now?
• Do you feel the same love you felt in the beginning?
• Do you feel hurt, confused, unhappy, just ok, kind of shut down?
• Do you want to spend less and less time with your significant other?
• Do you resent doing the things for your partner/friend/family you used to do happily?
• Do you sometimes feel, “If this is how it’s going to be, then I’m better off alone?”

Is this the way to have a relationship? What went wrong?

Well...you started the relationship on a wrong foot. You didn't EXPRESS YOURSELF and that's why you feel so burdened.

Somehow, somewhere, our middle class values have taught us to be nice. To be nice you have to stuff your anger deep inside somewhere and hide it away, or you won’t be nice.

But this is the biggest blunder we do. Not expressing yourself without any guilt has far worse repercussions than what we presume.

To be fully whole and fully supportive of yourself, you have to allow yourself to have and express your feelings – appropriately, of course. And that includes anger.

It will help your relationship blossom like never before.

Have you ever watched a baby express himself? If he is angry, he'll howl at the top of his voice to make the entire household go into a tizzy but as soon as he is comforted or had his diaper changed or is fed, he is happy again. No stuck feelings.

Same way we are conditioned to express ourselves through various emotions. We should not allow any bad feelings make their home in our heart because eventually they will hurt us the most than anyone else. Stuffing your anger away,will not work. It will create more anger, resentment, arguments, and will have upsets of every variety.

So people SPEAK IT OUT EVEN IF SOMEONE CARES TO LISTEN TO YOU OR NOT. JUST VENT IT OUT.