Men are RASAGULLAS. Women are JALEBIES.

What women want? This question has plagued the mind of humankind for generations and generations. However, what men want is fairly simple. Men are Simple Beings whereas Women are Complex Creatures. And that's exactly the reason why I am calling this blog post title what it is.

To understand their wants, this time I decided to dig deeper and table out the differences between the two genders when they think about Love and commitment. While doing so I consulted lot my friends from both the genders, listened to lot of Ted Talks, spent hours on brainpickings.org and gathered whatever secondary data I could lay my hands on. And this is what I have to say.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE CHALK AND CHEESE WHEN IT COMES TO :

• RELATIONSHIPS: For women, relationship is a very special, mature connection between two individuals. It's a very special bond that they dream will last FOREVER. We see ourselves growing old with our partners like our grandparents did.  But for men, relationship is to have someone in your life that makes you happy, both emotionally and physically. They are not so future oriented. They think only about today's pleasure. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run. Men, on the other hand are not so fussy about working on a relationship. They are slightly lazy and easy-going when it comes to relationships. Men don't like to be questioned. Therefore when they are being made to stand in a guilty box they tend to run away. They don't want to break the relationships but they hate to be questioned on routine basis. Once they decide to break the relationship, there is no going back. Whereas women generally change their decision multiple times because the emotional investment is way too higher from their side. After the breakup, women seek closure through dialogue whereas men seek solace in avoidance and distraction. Women want to talk it out. Men want to bottle it in.

• LOVE: Women think of love in terms of Mills & Boons and Yash Raj romance. They want a guy like Raj of DDLJ who can love them, cherish them, pamper them, talk to them, listen to them, and make them the centre of their universe. They want love, protection and security. However, men think of love more in terms of sex aka Babydoll Sone Di. They do not daydream about romantic love; it is the sexual aspect of the relationship that has their attention. Women See Relationships, Men See Body Parts. Men want flesh, women want love. And the reason why they behave so differently is Testosterone. Men have 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women. This results in a strong drive for sex in men. For men, having a long tally of their sexual conquests is a hallmark of achievement. Women on the other hand correlate sex and love. Men play love to get sex whereas women play sex to get love. Another big difference is men love their freedom the most. Their biggest fear is losing their freedom. They hate to justify their 'last seen at...' Whatsapp status to their girlfriend. They enjoy the company and love of their girlfriend but hate the questions and nagging bit. They just can't give the reins of their life to someone else. Remember Pyaar Ka Punchnama famous scene -[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIpmML49hMU]

• BRAIN PROCESSING: Men are able to compartmentalise  different pieces of  information like  emotions, behaviour, physical attributes, relationships, jobs, sex, romance, friendship, family etc. into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together. Men see individual issues with parts of their brain, while women look at the holistic or multiple issues with their whole brain. Men can switch over from one compartment to another in no time without carrying a trace from one to another whereas women fail to do so. Therefore generally after a breakup men move on easily without their work-life balance getting affected whereas women take far longer to get over it. One look at their face and people can tell that they are going through some personal turmoil. Their face is their mirror. However, exceptions are always there.

• LAW OF ATTRACTION: We value that which is hard to get and we think little of that which is easily obtained. In men-women relationships, you are attracted to the person who is hard to get and you run from the one who chases you. The law remains the same for both in the initial phase. The difference arises when both get committed. So while women apply their rational side a lot in the attraction phase, they let their emotional side take over when they get committed. They don't raise doubts and start dreaming about their future together. On the other hand, men don't think too rationally before enrolling themselves in the chase game. For Men, the thrill is in the chase. After the conquest has been made, men are ready to move on to the next challenge. They don’t care about the emotional wreckage they have left behind them. After winning over the women, mystery wanes and so does their feelings. What once used to be attractive seems to become boring and irritating.

• COMMITMENT: This word sends chills to men's body as soon as it is uttered by their lady love. It is their biggest phobia. They are eager to fall in love but too scared to commit. And when they eventually do, it is after lot of deliberation and rational calibration. Emotions don't rule their decisions. They weigh every pros and con before committing. For them, it is not a game of love but a mission to be accomplished. They would never venture into a relationship that can put them off guard or pose difficult questions in the future. They don't want to mess up the equilibrium of their family and career. They like to play safe when it comes to commitment. However, for women it is the opposite. They say yes to a love proposal after visualising their entire life with the guy proposing. They would think up to their grandchildren before saying a yes. Another big difference is, men always have a plan B in mind. They would never put all their eggs in one basket. While they would be dating a girl, they would simultaneously be turning on their ignitions for another chase game.

HOPE THE RASAGULLAS AND JALEBIS CAN LOOK BEYOND THEIR DIFFERENCES AND STAY HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

The above points are generic and as I mentioned earlier, exceptions are always there. I truly believe that not all men are same. Some men are quite hesitant to start or carry on a relationship with a girl that they think they'll not be able to commit to, therefore instead of breaking the girls heart at the end, they halt their engines in the beginning itself. While some men don't venture on the path, others know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know true love and fidelity are the main ingredients. When they meet the right woman they  try their best to make it work. The only small issue is realizing when you have met the right woman. Sometimes they get bogged down by the fear of difficulties and compromise even before trying. My advice to them would be

Don't belittle love. There are too many ordinary things in life. Let love be extraordinary and precious.

TOTALLY UNRELATED STUFF THAT I WANT TO SHARE

I am a hopeless romantic (thanks to Sharukh Khan) therefore in spite of shredding my heart into million pieces I'll continue believing in true love. True love which is unselfish and is committed. I believe in love even if the other person has moved on. My love will always be with him. Only for him. Because my love doesn't believe in giving up. It only believes in one thing - to love, no matter what. I might not shout out from the top of a mountain but it'll silently climb up the hills. My love is not bound by the shackles of the worldly possessions, inhibitions and rituals. It is beyond all this. My heart only knows how to love and it will continue loving you. No matter what.

Just like Don Williams I will continue believing in love. I believe in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rktW3byqdOs

PS: There are some interesting videos on understanding love. I particularly like Helen Fisher's work.  

Some of my favourite quotes are:

“Millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner."

"Romantic love is not an emotion. It’s a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind"

"Barriers tend to intensify romance. It's called the 'Romeo and Juliet effect.' I call it 'frustration attraction."

"You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life - but no, you just love them harder."

"After a man falls madly in love, he no longer cares how old she is."

“Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being.”

In case you want to hear some of her speeches. Then here are the links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a2PvlD-O9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OYfoGTIG7pY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY

Say no to OVER.

These days I get too many pesky messages and calls on confidence building/public speaking.
Most of the times I ignore them but yesterday I yelled at one of the caller.

But later on I realised that in today's time CONFIDENCE is the most important parameter to succeed.
It might be a good job to help the ones who need help.

Anyways that call gave me the topic for my new post. And here it is - CONFIDENCE vs OVERCONFIDENCE.

Not that I am going to talk about something that is unheard of but I just felt like talking about it and so here I am at your service :)

I am from advertising and the most important thing in our profession is to appear CONFIDENT even when we know we are selling SHIT.

And believe you me we do a fabulous job in doing that. I myself has done it so many times.

But as it is said anything that reaches the 'OVER' threshold is bad.

You might have a brilliant idea but if you are not confident about it then it might never see the light of the day.

You might love someone heads-over-heal but the the moment you overdo it your relationship starts showing the cracks.

So how important is confidence? When does confidence become overconfidence?

Let me tell you a story from the past, set in the west - Malta in 1942.

Malta was an essential British base in the Mediterranean, and a convoy was sent to resupply it.

The Italians and Germans did everything they could to sink the convoy.

To the British, it was vital Malta survived. To the enemy, it was vital it didn’t.

In just a few days, many warships and merchant ships were sunk.

As the convoy neared Malta, many of the Royal Navy warships had to turn back to Gibraltar.

This left the convoy exposed. And at that moment, a massive Italian fleet appeared.

6 cruisers and 17 destroyers steaming towards the virtually unprotected convoy.

If the Italian warships got to it they could sink the lot, at will.

What could the British do?

They sent out two elderly Wellington bombers.

The planes flew over the Italian ships, at night, dropping flares which lit up their entire fleet.

This worried the Italians, why drop flares not bombs?

The Wellingtons received a radio message in plain language “Report position of enemy fleet to Liberator bombers and illuminate target with flares.”

The Wellingtons dropped more flares, and received the message again in plain language.

“Use flares to illuminate enemy fleet for Liberator bombers, action immediate.”

The Italians intercepted both messages.

So that was why the British were dropping flares and not bombs.

An air raid from a massive force of American Liberator bombers could destroy the entire fleet.

Luckily they’d intercepted the messages, now they could foil the plan.

The fast new Italian ships turned 180 degrees and escaped at full speed.

Before the Liberators could reach them.

So the Italian Navy outwitted the British and Americans.

Well, not quite.

There were no Liberator bombers anywhere nearby.

In fact there were no Liberators within flying distance.

And even if there had been, there was no time to prepare them.

The flares and the radio messages were a complete bluff.

If the Italian fleet had carried on, they would have had the convoy at their mercy.

It would have been 23 Italian warships against 15 unarmed British merchant ships.

They could have destroyed them all, as easily as target practice.

But they didn’t.

Because of confidence on one side, and lack of confidence on the other.

Instead of carrying bombs, and dropping them on the warships, the Wellingtons just dropped flares.

They carried their bluff out with confidence.

The Italians weren’t confident.

They were ready to believe that the Royal Navy would do anything to destroy their fleet.

So, instead of thinking of themselves as the stronger force, they thought of themselves as the weaker force.

Instead of opportunities, they saw only threats.

Two elderly bombers dropping flares were all they needed to convince themselves.

It didn’t occur to them to ask why such an important message hadn’t been sent in code.

Why it had just been sent in plain language.

Almost as if the British wanted them to intercept it.

The Italians were worried that they couldn’t afford to risk their navy.

The British knew they couldn’t afford to lose Malta.

So the British knew they had nothing to lose.

The Italians thought they had a lot to lose.

And the British, actually in the weaker position, bullied the Italians into retreating.

It’s all about confidence. Confidence gives you the wisdom. 

When to  choose between the safe option and the exciting option.

When to say "Let's go for it"  or "Let's leave it".

When we’re applying for a job.

When you are proposing to someone.

When you are starting a new business.

When you are presenting a game-changing strategy.

When we’re in danger of overthinking it.

Belief creates energy, energy creates chances.
Trepidation has the opposite effect.

If you want to win, you have to be prepared to take a chance.

If you’re not prepared to take a chance, maybe you shouldn’t gamble.

But then of course, like the Italian navy, you can’t win.

So it's important to clearly demarcate CONFIDENCE FROM OVERCONFIDENCE.

Adoore Sapne

Ae dil sambhal ja zara…

Kyun tu khud ko tabah karne hai chala…

Kyun dekhe sapne jo kabhi na honge poore…

Kyun sochta hai iss baar anzam alag hoga…

Kyun tujhe lagta hai ke iss baar koi tujhe samjhega...

Kyun sochta hai mehman ke jagah iss bar tera humsafar tere saath hoga.

 

Majhi badal jaane se toofan nahi ruka karte...

Teri zindagi to sabse bada toofan hai…

Tu kyun toofan mein kashti chalata hai…

Teri kismat mein sirf tootna likha hai aur wahi hoga… 

Kyun sochta hai tera pyaar kissi ko badal dega…

Behtar yahi hai tu sambhal ja aur khud ko hi badal le…

Why life is so multidimensional?

When adam and eve were alive then their life must have been linear with just one aberration- apple. Which later on changed their life for forever.

Today we live a life of cobwebs where every moment we have to fight multidimensional problems. There is absolutely nothing simple in our lives. Right from waking up till the time we travel to dreamland, we are always fire fighting. We are always living on the edge. Personal life is sacrificed for professional life and vice versa. Still we face criticism and apathy everywhere.

Then there is a huge gap between expectations and deliveries. In every match we hope sachin to score his 100th ton but what we get to see is the entire team getting out on 192. We hope that we will get good appraisals but what we get in hand is peanuts with sky high inflation. We start working on a new business thinking we'll change the world. But we end up fighting over a logo size. We buy a house thinking we'll have a place to call it OUR AASHIYANA but we end up getting EMI life sentence.

We get into a relationship thinking it to last long, if not eternal, but what we get is a bitter lesson. Which we keep experiencing again and again without drawing any lessons from it. When we fall in love with someone we think that we are going to love an individual but we end up dealing with a barrel of problems related to that one individual. We try to solve that for a bit. But eventually the plural problems take over the singular love.

Multidimensions confusing the linear thought process. Somewhere we loose out the heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection. More than sharing and enjoying the simple pleasures of life we fight over trivial issues. All the time we are fighting for something worthless. And in the process losing out the biggest treasure of life - pure unadulterated happiness.

It is not so difficult to lead a happy life. You just need to fine tune your frequency with the one that you love. But if that someone special is entangled with a worldly mess of problems then it's better to try for a while and then just leave it at a beautiful end. Linear decision taken with the right amount of objectivity is always a better option. No point making an issue out of those multidimensional issues.
Writing this post my mind seems to have find a solution to an entangled mass of thorns :-) hope i can continue with the same clarity of thought for some time.