Serendipity - A Gift wrapped Catastrophe

It was 8:30 am and the group of 15 strangers-turned-friends was raring to challenge the mountain and experience a never seen before beauty of Triund Hill - Heaven on earth for nature lovers and trekkers. We knew the 6 kms trek was tough and will challenge not just the city dwellers physical stamina but mental stamina too. Still the enthusiasm was too overpowering to be weighed down by the scare of the obstacles. The enigmatic euphoria made us complete a journey of five hours in just three hours. And the top view was so breathtakingly beautiful that it didn't give our mind any wandering space to let  fatigue or negative thoughts creep in.

After soaking ourselves in the natural beauty, followed by lengthy photo sessions, forever ongoing chat sessions,  the soulful live music jam sessions; we decided to call it a night with grand plans for the next day.

We were all too happy to realise that the movie was actually a thriller not a romcom. The serendipity changed into a nightmare. It was bone-numbing cold out there in the open and we were severely under-prepared. The temperature was  zero degree and our tents were not even ready to face 15 degrees.  In between tossing and turning and shivering in the cold with the background score of a storm and dogs howling on a full moon night, we somehow managed to get over the night. Next day morning, we woke up with happy thoughts of embarking on another 60 minutes trek to witness the most mesmerising sunrise from the highest point - The temple of Shri Kunal Pathri Devi but God had other plans. It started raining and snowing, which in other words meant that forget the onward trek even our downward trek was in danger. We were warned by our guide that  downward trek is way too difficult than trekking upwards even in normal conditions. And rain and melting snow would further make it more dangerous as it often leads to loss of control and many mishaps. Following our guide's advice, we changed our plans to safely reach our base instead of trekking ahead.

Being a brave heart, who like to face challenges head on, I decided to lead. I started my downward journey ahead of everyone else. And I was the first one to finish our trek in flat two hours. So the trek which was difficult for many was a cakewalk for me.

During this trip, besides enjoying the nature's moody beauty and making some good friends, I tested my limits too and I was pleasantly surprised with myself. I was really looking forward to this trip for numerous reasons. It was my escape from the harsh reality. And it proved to be one. I had the time of life. Met some awesome people. Forgot all the heartache. I was brimming with hope and joy when I reached the concrete jungle.

However, like always, the joy was short lived. I didn't have an inkling that there was a worse news waiting for me. I didn't have a clue that the news I am going to get after experiencing the most awesome weekend will sweep away the ground beneath my feet. For a second I could not believe my ears. I was speechless. I was numb.I didn't know what was happening around me.

The year 2014 had started on a BIG HIGH for me but since then I have been getting jolts after jolts. And this one is perhaps the biggest.

But does that mean I give up?

NO.

I stand again with a resolve to win again.

Perhaps these jolts are necessary to challenge my limits and discover my true potential.

Also, I learnt one big lesson in the last 3 months that besides being forever optimist, it is good to be cynical too. Oxymoronic? Yeah. But sometimes oxymoron can co-exist. Pay attention to your intuition and observation while staying optimistic because:

What feels like 'too good to be true' is actually not True. It is your intuition's warning to brace yourself for the upcoming catastrophe.

In other words, Serendipity is a gift wrapped Catastrophe.

Though serendipity has positive connotations but you should always take it with a pinch of salt. Prepare yourself to brace the chaos too. Serendipity is not as simple as Oxford dictionary says it. It is far more complicated. There are different stages of happiness and randomness in the Serendipity curve.

So my advice to myself and others (in case anyone is interested) while you enjoy serendipity do take your intuition seriously to avoid the gift wrapped Catastrophe :)

ACT, DON’T REACT

I am sitting in my room, waiting for my friend to arrive. A friend, who promised several times but ditched every single time.  So when i get a text that I won’t be seeing him today I loose my temper. Forgetting all the good things he has done for me I deliberately send him a nasty text just to make him feel sorry beyond words.

But after two days when I sit back and ponder on why i did what i did; I realised words don't have the power to hurt you. Unless, the person who said them means a lot to you. And when that “means a lot” person doesn't fulfill your expectations then you don’t act but you react.

Your reaction defies Newton’s third law. Your reaction is far louder than action.

Your reaction is not controlled by your mind but your heart. And that is why it is said it is more difficult to control your heart than mind.

Sometimes it’s just wise to sit back and do nothing – neither act nor react. Just stay calm. But it is easier said than done; especially, if you are as volatile as me.

While I was pondering on ACTION-REACTION I came across an interesting incident. And that is how this blog post idea came to my mind. Let me take you through that story.

A few years ago, a TVC director was at a dinner party with an ad agency NCD in one of the advertising festivals. The NCD had given the director some great projects and helped make him successful. The director was a witty guy, and was known in advertising fraternity for his creative sense of humor. But at some point he said something the NCD didn't like. The NCD couldn't think of a witty response immediately. So he poured his glass of wine over the director’s jeans.

Now there were basically two responses at that point for the Director to react.

The director could react emotionally. He could thump the NCD (unlikely, it could end in a law suit). He could get up and walk out (bad choice, it looks a sulk). He could wittily put the CEO down (he looks good but it’s probably the end of the relationship). He could ask for money to get his jeans dry cleaned (embarrassing, the NCD will probably just toss him a couple of 100 notes).

Or the other choice was he could act rationally. Not emotionally.

Just laugh it off and carry on with the evening. Realising that the NCD had given you many expensive commercials in the past. He could probably give you many more in the future. You could load a few grand onto the next commercial to assuage the insult if you want. In fact you could load several grand onto every commercial he gives you from now on. You could get even that way. That glass of wine could end up costing him tens of thousands of Rupees.

That’s if you act rationally. Or it ends up costing you tens of thousands of Rupees if you act emotionally.

See, none of the options are wrong. But, like everything in life, they each come with consequences.

To stay in control of your life, all you have to do is constantly be aware of the consequences of your choices. Then choose accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with standing up and thumping the NCD. As long as you’re prepared to never work for him again. Plus a possibly costly court case for assault, and expensive damages from the restaurant. If you’re willing to accept all of that then go ahead and thump him. But don’t moan about it afterwards.

The director didn't  His immediate thought was probably something like “This is really embarrassing. Shall I throw my glass of wine back?”

Followed immediately by “What will that cost me?”

And he weighs the short-term benefits of getting even against the long-term benefits of swallowing the insult. He decides he’d rather have the big money.  The jeans dry-clean cost around Rs. 150; he stands to make tens of thousands. It would be nuts to throw that away. So he sits and smiles. He balances an evening’s embarrassment against a lot of money.

That’s existentialism. That’s street smartness. That’s business mindedness. That’s action.

There’s nothing wrong with whatever choice you make. As long as the preferred consequences are factored into your choice. The only thing wrong is pretending you have no choice over the consequences. That’s what Sartre calls ‘living inauthentically’. Pretending you have no choice. You always have a choice. Of course, you may not like the choices. But you always have a choice.

All it takes is ‘split-second awareness’ that marks the distinction between a ‘reaction’ and an ‘action’. Be rational whenever possible. It is always possible.

So moral of the story ACT, DON’T REACT.

 Incidentally, that commercials director now has much more money than that NCD.

Problem is the Solution

People who write blogs don't write it under compulsion. But because there's a strong urge to get something out of their heart. Writing is a great pacifier. It is a balm for the soul.

And the reason why I am writing this post is because of 'Silver Linings Playbook' .

On the face of it, the movie is a rom-com but perched on a razor's edge between comedy and psychological drama. This movie gives a simple but life-changing lesson - Positive decisions can be made in the face of imperfection, desperation, and the desolate wasteland of your world in pieces.

For me one dialogue summed it all - “You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back.”

So whether you are sad, angry or just plain disgusted...instead of whining it's much better to figure out the solution. Remember every maze has a solution. Solution never comes out of outer space. It's always there. We just need to look around with wide open eyes.

Now let me tell you a real life story on how a person made adversity his best opportunity.

Don't know how many of you would have seen Blade Runner.

Blade Runner is a 1982 science fiction film directed by Ridley Scott, depicting a dystopic Los Angeles in November 2019.

Though I am not a huge fan of sci-fi movies but the reason why I am writing about this movie is not that I loved it but I loved the background story behind it that makes it so special.

Blade Runner is based on Philip K. Dick’s novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The first script was written by Hampton Fancher, a television actor. A friend of his told Fancher, “I think science fiction is going to happen,” and suggested Dick’s novel. Fancher came up with the idea of a detective who chases androids. Producer Michael Deeley (The Deer Hunter, The Italian Job [1969]), read both the book and Fancher’s script ideas and didn't like either very much. He wrote his own script and approached Ridley Scott to direct it but Scott rejected the idea.

After some time, due to tough financial condition Ridley Scott decided to take on the project with Michael Deeley. Initially the project was financed by Filmways Pictures, but the company was small and having financial difficulties, the group sought out new financing. The film was eventually financed partially by Warner Brothers and other investment groups.

When Ridley Scott finally got the financing to make Blade Runner it wasn't as much money as he wanted. The Hollywood studio were skeptical about the project. So they tried to cut costs. Ridley wanted to build a futuristic Los Angeles set for the movie. But all the studio would give him was a part of a generic 1920s town they had built ages ago. An unused set where they used to shoot gangster movies. All set in prohibition times. Because gangster movies had fallen out of fashion the buildings and streets in the set were decayed and peeling.

Looking at the sorry state of the available set Ridley wondered what to do. Obviously he felt insulted. Obviously the studio didn't take his film seriously. He pondered over the options available to him. The most obvious option was he could tell the studio to shove it. But if he did, that would almost certainly be the end of the movie. And probably the end of his film career in Hollywood too. So what could he do? It seemed impossible to shoot a futuristic science-fiction film about mutant robots in a set designed for black and white films about gangsters.

Ridley spent nights over nights on what could be the best solution. And guess what his problem gave him his solution.

He thought, the future is never devoid of past. The future isn't just brand new buildings, and brand new cars, and brand-new everything. The future is always about the latest things, overlaid on what came before. He decided to use the set as the past and overlay the future on it. To give a sci-fi image (which didn't exist that time) he added shiny aluminium piping to the outside of the buildings. And he added neon signs to the outside of the buildings. And people in modern, plastic clothes, with neon umbrellas. And travelling airships with massive outdoor TV screens. And all these futuristic props overlaid on the grungy old buildings just emphasised how the future always elbows the past aside.

But these props turned out to be much more important than they were initially thought of. Because neon shows up better at night, Ridley decided to shoot the movie at night. But it would also throw all the buildings into the background. Giving it the feel of a deserted and bypassed planet earth. Which was perfect for a story about returning mutant robots looking for their history. The cumulative effect gave the entire movie an all-pervading dark, ominous, threatening, sinister mood. This short-on-budget movie was truly craft out of waste. It played a pivotal role in Hollywood cinema. It launched an entirely new genre of film-making. Noir Science Fiction.

Over the years since its release, it has won nearly forty awards worldwide. It has been reissued in seven different versions. Blade Runner is considered a masterpiece. Ridley Scott’s Hollywood career took off. He went on to make many massively successful movies and featured among the important Directors. Many documentaries, novels, comics, video games and television series have been made on this movie.

So what is the moral of the story?
Take the problem head on and turn it into an opportunity.

When all that matters is going that EXTRA MILE...

Yesterday one of my friends came from New York and besides other gifts there was one but obvious gift - I Love NY T-shirt. 

 
Yeah many of us have grown up seeing ‘I Love NY’ logo. Still it doesn’t go out of fashion. It can surly endorse an anti-aging product.  The logo has become a pop-culture icon, inspiring imitations in every corner of the globe.

But now the iconic ‘I Love NY’ logo is set for a makeover as part of a new tourism campaign. In May 2012 New York Governor Andrew Cuomo launched the campaign inviting both locals and visitors to replace the heart in the logo with another item which represents New York for them. (read more about it on http://www.logodesignlove.com/i-love-ny-logo-makeover)

The idea behind the new campaign is to reclaim the logo which has since been hijacked by scores of other countries and cities.  

It’s too early to say whether Andrew Cuomo will succeed in his campaign or not. But so far it hasn’t gone down well with many. The New York Daily News accused Governor Cuomo of "breaking New York's heart", adding: "What were you thinking Gov. Cuomo – is 'I pizza slice NY' gonna pull in the tourists?” "Replacing the heart … with drawings of things like pizza slices and beach balls for the sake of modernisation is like slapping tattoos on the Statue of Liberty to keep up with the trends of the 21st century." The new campaign also drew criticism from Milton Glaser, the designer of the original logo, who said: "I don't understand it. I saw one that said 'I Pizza NY'; I don't get it."

After reading this piece of news I thought of finding more about how the iconic logo came into being. And here is the story behind the famous logo.

In 1977 New York was nearly bankrupt. There wasn’t a thriving economy or tourism like today.

Government was really struggling with New York’s brand image and revenues. The then governor decided the best way to raise money was through tourism. But considering New York had a bad brand image he commissioned Wells Rich Greene Advertising Agency to do an advertising campaign to change the image of the city. It was asked to represent New York in a new light and to remind everyone what a great city it was.

Instead of creating a chest thumping campaign Wells Rich Greene went in for a disruptive, simple but effective approach. They decided to create a jingle that could stick in people’s heads and people might play it again and again. As a result it could generate free publicity. They got an old-fashioned jingle-writer called Steve Karmen on board. And he wrote the simple musical phrase “I love New York”.

After seeing the jingle the client felt something was missing. After lot of deliberation the Client and the Agency came to a conclusion that the campaign needed a logo. The idea to have a logo came from a future led thinking - people would hopefully pick up and use logo themselves like on T-shirts, car bumper stickers, posters, graffiti, memorabilia, basically anywhere. That again would generate more free media.

The next name that came on board was Milton Glaser, the famous graphic designer of that time. His job was to design an “I love New York” logo. One thing that was absolutely clear in Glaser’s mind was that the logo has to be minimalistic and simplest graphic form. Lesser the elements better it is. He reduced the four words to two oval shapes. “I love” reversed out of black in one, ”New York” reversed out in the other.

The logo was presented, approved and printing went ahead. But Glaser wasn’t satisfied; he wanted to reduce it further. He had to have the letter “I”, and he could reduce New York to the letters “NY”. But how could he reduce the word “love”? For days he kept thinking how he could reduce the word to bare minimum. He was thinking about where the word was used. And then like Einstein the great idea stuck him, albeit he was thinking this in the back of a taxicab. Long time back when New York wasn’t a concrete jungle he had seen the symbol for love used as a heart carved into a tree. It had two lovers’ names in it and an arrow through it. The equivalent of “John loves Tina” would be “John (heart) Tina”. He grabbed an envelope out of his pocket. He wrote “I (heart) NY”. He instantly knew that that was his big idea. He called up the client and persuaded him that he had a better idea and they should stop printing. The client as expected was mad at him, but Glaser persisted. Eventually the client agreed.

Now Glaser job was to work on the graphics. He took inspiration from Robert Indiana’s “LOVE”. The word was formed into a square, the letter “LO” above and the letters “VE” below. So Glaser wrote it like that, “I (heart)” above and “NY” below. A simple but powerful graphic.

The idea behind this logo evolved from the way people use language and not developing something new for them.

This logo became the biggest, most imitated logo, ever. Every city in the world copies it. And it’s all free advertising. Because everyone knows which city the original refers to.

The credit goes to Milton Glaser because didn’t stop thinking after the client bought the idea. He drew something better on the back of an envelope in a taxicab.That envelope is now a collectible item and is in the permanent collection of The Museum of Modern Art. If you want to know more about the man and his agency read here: http://www.miltonglaser.com/milton/#0

One thing that I have learned from this story is that Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven’t yet figured out how to ask. We should never stop Dreaming because you never know when they can become a reality.

It’s very easy to get complacent with the present but victory comes to those who keep the success hunger alive and kicking in their belly. 

I am too at a life juncture where I am in two minds whether to be satisfied with what I have or go in full throttle for the biggest risk of my life. This story sure has inspired me. After all I have only one life and as Mountain Dew says “Darr Kea age jeet hai”. So I might as well do the due and let the analysis be left after I have taken the risk.

Who kahte hai na - Kyon dare zindagi mein kya hoga, kuch na hoga toh tajurba toh hoga.

The ONE

"Wait for the one who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what. Wait for the one who makes you smile like no other, and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the one who wants to show you off when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. Most of all, wait for the one who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously, he's at the center of yours."  - anonymous


This blog post is a sweet fruit of  WAIT.

It is dedicated to a very special person in my life.

I don't want to bring down the sanctity of my relationship by talking about what he means to me. He's not my father, not my brother, not my husband, not my boyfriend, not my colleague, not my friend, not my mentor. He's neither of these...but all of these. He defies any particular relationship. He's way beyond to be shackled in relationships.

He's the one that is exactly like me but still different like chalk and cheese. He's a very special person.

He has changed my life just by being part of it. He met me when I was going through a very hard time.

He makes me laugh until I can't laugh any more.

He cracks silly jokes that make no sense but still I can't stop giggling.

He sings in the most besura manner. He make faces.

He pretends to be angry when i use racial slurs (teasingly only).

He is someone who makes me believe that this world is really beautiful and full of life.

He is the one who says that I should read 'MEN ARE FROM MARS. WOMEN FROM VENUS' to understand men.

He's the one who says that I should find someone good for myself and when someone comes a little close he gets jittery.

In other words, he defines FOREVER FRIENDSHIP.

We confide in each other like no other. I fight with him all the times but he's always there to make it work. He never complains when I take him out for marathon shopping sessions. He lies to his parents to meet me. He sacrifices his sleep to talk to me. He is so much to me that my computer's hard-disk can crash writing about him but I can't stop describing him.



There is an electrifying feeling between us that words cannot describe.

The two of us are inseparable. When we look into each others eyes, time and space have no meaning. Our conversations seem to go on forever. There are no barriers between us. There is a special sacredness to our relationship that transcends anything we've ever experienced before. Our relationship is definitely for the keeps.


So how did we meet? I met him in a totally unplanned and unexpected manner in very unusual circumstances.

Our story sure can make a Bollywood romcom. I met him in a train journey on my friend's wedding. Yes....Jab We Met kinds. But in a different avatar.

And rest is history. We didn't connect instantly. The last leg of our trip made it happen.

And I am so glad we did. He understood me without knowing a thing about me. And I think that was the turning point. He had surprised me in so many ways that I have lost the count now.

I don't know whether he's my SOUL MATE or not. But he definitely is a part of my soul.

Let me tell you how soul-mate originated. It is believed to be created by Greek Gods

Apparently, humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them: you and your soul mate are destined to find each other.

We are like riverbanks that can walk alongside but can never be together. I don't know what future holds for us. But he is special and will always be special in my life.

I really wish him luck and loads of love and happiness in life. The way he's made my ordinary life a happy life may his life be a life of what dreams our made of!

I am sure happiness too would be obliged to find a great companion like him.

LONG LIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP!

Say no to OVER.

These days I get too many pesky messages and calls on confidence building/public speaking.
Most of the times I ignore them but yesterday I yelled at one of the caller.

But later on I realised that in today's time CONFIDENCE is the most important parameter to succeed.
It might be a good job to help the ones who need help.

Anyways that call gave me the topic for my new post. And here it is - CONFIDENCE vs OVERCONFIDENCE.

Not that I am going to talk about something that is unheard of but I just felt like talking about it and so here I am at your service :)

I am from advertising and the most important thing in our profession is to appear CONFIDENT even when we know we are selling SHIT.

And believe you me we do a fabulous job in doing that. I myself has done it so many times.

But as it is said anything that reaches the 'OVER' threshold is bad.

You might have a brilliant idea but if you are not confident about it then it might never see the light of the day.

You might love someone heads-over-heal but the the moment you overdo it your relationship starts showing the cracks.

So how important is confidence? When does confidence become overconfidence?

Let me tell you a story from the past, set in the west - Malta in 1942.

Malta was an essential British base in the Mediterranean, and a convoy was sent to resupply it.

The Italians and Germans did everything they could to sink the convoy.

To the British, it was vital Malta survived. To the enemy, it was vital it didn’t.

In just a few days, many warships and merchant ships were sunk.

As the convoy neared Malta, many of the Royal Navy warships had to turn back to Gibraltar.

This left the convoy exposed. And at that moment, a massive Italian fleet appeared.

6 cruisers and 17 destroyers steaming towards the virtually unprotected convoy.

If the Italian warships got to it they could sink the lot, at will.

What could the British do?

They sent out two elderly Wellington bombers.

The planes flew over the Italian ships, at night, dropping flares which lit up their entire fleet.

This worried the Italians, why drop flares not bombs?

The Wellingtons received a radio message in plain language “Report position of enemy fleet to Liberator bombers and illuminate target with flares.”

The Wellingtons dropped more flares, and received the message again in plain language.

“Use flares to illuminate enemy fleet for Liberator bombers, action immediate.”

The Italians intercepted both messages.

So that was why the British were dropping flares and not bombs.

An air raid from a massive force of American Liberator bombers could destroy the entire fleet.

Luckily they’d intercepted the messages, now they could foil the plan.

The fast new Italian ships turned 180 degrees and escaped at full speed.

Before the Liberators could reach them.

So the Italian Navy outwitted the British and Americans.

Well, not quite.

There were no Liberator bombers anywhere nearby.

In fact there were no Liberators within flying distance.

And even if there had been, there was no time to prepare them.

The flares and the radio messages were a complete bluff.

If the Italian fleet had carried on, they would have had the convoy at their mercy.

It would have been 23 Italian warships against 15 unarmed British merchant ships.

They could have destroyed them all, as easily as target practice.

But they didn’t.

Because of confidence on one side, and lack of confidence on the other.

Instead of carrying bombs, and dropping them on the warships, the Wellingtons just dropped flares.

They carried their bluff out with confidence.

The Italians weren’t confident.

They were ready to believe that the Royal Navy would do anything to destroy their fleet.

So, instead of thinking of themselves as the stronger force, they thought of themselves as the weaker force.

Instead of opportunities, they saw only threats.

Two elderly bombers dropping flares were all they needed to convince themselves.

It didn’t occur to them to ask why such an important message hadn’t been sent in code.

Why it had just been sent in plain language.

Almost as if the British wanted them to intercept it.

The Italians were worried that they couldn’t afford to risk their navy.

The British knew they couldn’t afford to lose Malta.

So the British knew they had nothing to lose.

The Italians thought they had a lot to lose.

And the British, actually in the weaker position, bullied the Italians into retreating.

It’s all about confidence. Confidence gives you the wisdom. 

When to  choose between the safe option and the exciting option.

When to say "Let's go for it"  or "Let's leave it".

When we’re applying for a job.

When you are proposing to someone.

When you are starting a new business.

When you are presenting a game-changing strategy.

When we’re in danger of overthinking it.

Belief creates energy, energy creates chances.
Trepidation has the opposite effect.

If you want to win, you have to be prepared to take a chance.

If you’re not prepared to take a chance, maybe you shouldn’t gamble.

But then of course, like the Italian navy, you can’t win.

So it's important to clearly demarcate CONFIDENCE FROM OVERCONFIDENCE.

Valentine’s Day: When a boring week day turns into a RED DAY!!!!!

Apologies for the long break. Could not help it though, as pappi pet ka sawal came in the way of blogging. However, it gave me some fodder for my blog.

During the Valentine’s week many things made it to the BREAKING NEWS – Delhi's Israeli Bomb Blast, Dhoni’s never ending love with thrilling climax to the ODIs, SC rejecting Army Chief VK Singh’s plea, Politicians celebrating every day as promise day in UP elections, Sahara making Indian cricket team besahara and a peaceful VALENTINE’S DAY celebrations for a change.

So what is that I am going to bore you with today? Well, since I am a prisoner of love what best then writing about Valentine’s Day.

Now let me begin with some history gyan about Valentine’s Day.

The origin of this day is from my favourite country – Italy.

Italy is one place that I am dying to see. Italian food, architecture and culture attract me like a magnet. Maybe my something is waiting there! Time I start planning my next holiday.

Anyways that’s a topic to be pondered over next time. Let me come back to the original point.

Valentine’s Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno, the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl’s name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody wars and to enroll more soldiers into army Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome that time. He and Saint Marius secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. To show gratitude towards Saint Valentine the pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavored to celebrate this day on the name of Saint Valentine’s Day.

So you see Valentine’s Day actually started with a SACRIFICE. Love was to be savored not lusted for.
Also, nowhere it was patented that only boys would make all efforts to please the girls. It was a mutual effort.

But today Valentine’s Day has turned into a Merchandise Day.

City gets painted in Red. Girls deck up in red from top to toe, holding red roses with red gifts. Heart is no more a part of your body but is suspended in Malls. So much is red mania that I hate seeing anybody draped in red.

These days’ materialistic pleasures have taken over the heart matters. The colored lenses never allow you to see through the depths of your heart in your eyes.

I have an inherent problem with all these so called days that celebrate LOVE, MOTHERS, WOMEN, FATHER, and CHILDREN among scores of other things.

I believe that love and relationships are to be celebrated every day.

So here's a toast to every day of Life. Make it count!!!!!!!!

MEN AND THE 'C' WORD

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, liberating, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, disparaging, excruciating, demeaning and time-wasting.

This week is Valentine’s week where love is not just in the air but on my TV, phone, newspaper, radio, malls, internet…actually everywhere. 

Love it or hate it but you just can’t ignore it. So, in such a love filled environment why am I writing a post which is contrary to the topic of LOVE. Not that I am Love cynic. I very much believe in love and am perennially in love. Just that I have seen enough of life that I have somehow managed to see through what kind of love works and what doesn't. And, as they say love is blind I thought this is the right time to remove the blinkers from the eyes of love-struck puppies so that they don't get hurt by bad love.

In this post I am not going to talk about how beautiful love is and how you should savor it for life. I am going to write about a disease called COMMITMENT PHOBIA that mostly men suffer from and as a result they make their girls suffer too.

Commitment phobia among men today is nearly as common as common cold. In Indian culture, where loyalty and monogamous relationships are much appreciated - men are afraid of not commitment but committing a long term mistake. 

If they do a mistake, then instead of opting for 'cutting the graft' approach they usually go in for a ‘no-strings attached’ benefit approach. in other words 'Polygamy'. If they are not married then they won't mind dating multiple girls and if they are married then EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR is ‘the’ thing for them.  

Hypocrisy runs in their blood and balls. They can go against monogamy in life, but will never speak against it. It makes them a monster. No one speaks against it? And this creates a dichotomy, between what they live and what they profess. 

As one of my stranger-cum-friend quoted that men are simple and insecure by nature who would not like to have too many complexities in their lives. They would prefer material expenses over emotional and mental expenses. They would not have the guts to walk out of a wrecked marriage but would be more than willing to have an affair with a pretty young thing. Icing on the cake would be if she happens to be dumb. Men just can’t tolerate emotional pangs.

They would love to live multiple untangled lives simultaneously. They would want to be an ideal son/husband/dad when at home…ideal boyfriend when out with a girl…and ideal employee at work. 

They would never want to disturb this equilibrium. They prefer practicality over being emotional. They would love to take you out for lunches, dinners, shopping, vacations and anything that MasterCard can buy. But anything else that money can’t buy and could risk their life equilibrium would instigate them to disappear and call it off without giving you any warning. 

When you’ll think that all is going well and you are ready to move to the next stage, they would stiffen up. Would say nothing but would avoid an eye contact with you...and thereafter would never return your calls. The moment love comes into picture that very moment your relationship is over. The romance evaporates in no time. These commitment phobic men are not looking for LOVE but LUST N FUN. 

So the important question is why Men are so commitment phobic? 

Reasons could be many:

• Fear of losing freedom,
• Past baggage,
• Monotonous sex life,
• Insecurity about their partners,
• Feeling not ready to take the plunge,
• Easier access to sex,
• Too much commitment pressure
• Misanthropist towards women,

Most obvious reason for men not liking commitment idea is that it signals the end of fun and freedom.

But there’s another version of the story. Let me explain it through an example.

A dear friend of mine who went around with a girl for five years ended up marrying her not because he wanted to but he was pressurized by the girl. He wasn’t ready to take the plunge but gave into impulse and ever surmounting pressure. And the result is that after 11years of courtship, marriage and multiple marriage counseling sessions they are on the verge of a divorce. There are no family issues or other women involved here. So what went wrong? Well it wasn’t that the guy was commitment phobic but he could not decide wisely because tremendous pressure robed him out of his sanity.

Not always men are commitment phobic, but sometimes women are too eager to enter a committal relationship rather than just let it develop naturally over time. This forcing tends to drive people away, the same as if an overeager salesman tries to push you into buying something, even when it’s something you may actually want to buy; you would end up shoving him away because his pushing has off-putted you.

When your man becomes commitment phobic and disappears from your life then something about you didn't fit into his perception of a relationship. The common ones are, too needy in terms of emotional, physical or financial support, acting like a girlfriend/wife before he is ready, mothering him or just giving too much of yourself. When you give him too much then he’ll start feeling like there’s a mismatch in yours and his intensity. He’ll always feel the pressure to reciprocate even when he would not want to. He'll feel indebted towards you. Not a good feeling. He may not feel like returning the gestures, but feels obligated to do so. No man wants to do anything out of obligation. It takes the fun out of it. 

So how can you save yourself from dealing with these commitments phobic men?

Best thing is to choose the guy wisely and be upfront. Tell him exactly what your expectations are from the very beginning. Maybe you'll lose him, but it's okay. Let him go. Remember this saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." If he's really in love with you, he will come at a point where he realizes that his biggest fear is not in committing to you, but in losing you!

Trust me this always works. Men respond to distance, not words.

But the other problem that could occur later on is by the time he realizes he’s in love with you and is ready for the commitment you could be out of love. But that’s ok. Maybe he wasn’t right for you. Maybe you were too good for him. Maybe he had to learn a hard lesson through you….lot of maybes but eventually you’ll be happy and not sad. 

The fact of the matter is being in love with a commitment phobic man is emotionally exhausting. You hold onto how it was in the beginning and ignore how it is now.  No magic wand will transform the non committal man into a great partner. 

The best thing is to let it go and move on in life. No point sulking and wasting your life on a person that doesn’t value your emotions. You might find it extremely painful to walk out of a relationship since you would have invested so much emotionally but whatever you do, don’t compromise your dignity. Remember you were born as an individual and will go as an individual. Don’t let an oddball treat you as trash and keep justifying his behavior every other day. Walk out of the relationship if need be. It is no good watering a withered plant. It’s better to part on a good note than ruin your life – 

“Challo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono…”

Love your Life

Adoore Sapne

Ae dil sambhal ja zara…

Kyun tu khud ko tabah karne hai chala…

Kyun dekhe sapne jo kabhi na honge poore…

Kyun sochta hai iss baar anzam alag hoga…

Kyun tujhe lagta hai ke iss baar koi tujhe samjhega...

Kyun sochta hai mehman ke jagah iss bar tera humsafar tere saath hoga.

 

Majhi badal jaane se toofan nahi ruka karte...

Teri zindagi to sabse bada toofan hai…

Tu kyun toofan mein kashti chalata hai…

Teri kismat mein sirf tootna likha hai aur wahi hoga… 

Kyun sochta hai tera pyaar kissi ko badal dega…

Behtar yahi hai tu sambhal ja aur khud ko hi badal le…

Why life is so multidimensional?

When adam and eve were alive then their life must have been linear with just one aberration- apple. Which later on changed their life for forever.

Today we live a life of cobwebs where every moment we have to fight multidimensional problems. There is absolutely nothing simple in our lives. Right from waking up till the time we travel to dreamland, we are always fire fighting. We are always living on the edge. Personal life is sacrificed for professional life and vice versa. Still we face criticism and apathy everywhere.

Then there is a huge gap between expectations and deliveries. In every match we hope sachin to score his 100th ton but what we get to see is the entire team getting out on 192. We hope that we will get good appraisals but what we get in hand is peanuts with sky high inflation. We start working on a new business thinking we'll change the world. But we end up fighting over a logo size. We buy a house thinking we'll have a place to call it OUR AASHIYANA but we end up getting EMI life sentence.

We get into a relationship thinking it to last long, if not eternal, but what we get is a bitter lesson. Which we keep experiencing again and again without drawing any lessons from it. When we fall in love with someone we think that we are going to love an individual but we end up dealing with a barrel of problems related to that one individual. We try to solve that for a bit. But eventually the plural problems take over the singular love.

Multidimensions confusing the linear thought process. Somewhere we loose out the heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection. More than sharing and enjoying the simple pleasures of life we fight over trivial issues. All the time we are fighting for something worthless. And in the process losing out the biggest treasure of life - pure unadulterated happiness.

It is not so difficult to lead a happy life. You just need to fine tune your frequency with the one that you love. But if that someone special is entangled with a worldly mess of problems then it's better to try for a while and then just leave it at a beautiful end. Linear decision taken with the right amount of objectivity is always a better option. No point making an issue out of those multidimensional issues.
Writing this post my mind seems to have find a solution to an entangled mass of thorns :-) hope i can continue with the same clarity of thought for some time.