The ONE

"Wait for the one who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what. Wait for the one who makes you smile like no other, and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the one who wants to show you off when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. Most of all, wait for the one who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously, he's at the center of yours."  - anonymous


This blog post is a sweet fruit of  WAIT.

It is dedicated to a very special person in my life.

I don't want to bring down the sanctity of my relationship by talking about what he means to me. He's not my father, not my brother, not my husband, not my boyfriend, not my colleague, not my friend, not my mentor. He's neither of these...but all of these. He defies any particular relationship. He's way beyond to be shackled in relationships.

He's the one that is exactly like me but still different like chalk and cheese. He's a very special person.

He has changed my life just by being part of it. He met me when I was going through a very hard time.

He makes me laugh until I can't laugh any more.

He cracks silly jokes that make no sense but still I can't stop giggling.

He sings in the most besura manner. He make faces.

He pretends to be angry when i use racial slurs (teasingly only).

He is someone who makes me believe that this world is really beautiful and full of life.

He is the one who says that I should read 'MEN ARE FROM MARS. WOMEN FROM VENUS' to understand men.

He's the one who says that I should find someone good for myself and when someone comes a little close he gets jittery.

In other words, he defines FOREVER FRIENDSHIP.

We confide in each other like no other. I fight with him all the times but he's always there to make it work. He never complains when I take him out for marathon shopping sessions. He lies to his parents to meet me. He sacrifices his sleep to talk to me. He is so much to me that my computer's hard-disk can crash writing about him but I can't stop describing him.



There is an electrifying feeling between us that words cannot describe.

The two of us are inseparable. When we look into each others eyes, time and space have no meaning. Our conversations seem to go on forever. There are no barriers between us. There is a special sacredness to our relationship that transcends anything we've ever experienced before. Our relationship is definitely for the keeps.


So how did we meet? I met him in a totally unplanned and unexpected manner in very unusual circumstances.

Our story sure can make a Bollywood romcom. I met him in a train journey on my friend's wedding. Yes....Jab We Met kinds. But in a different avatar.

And rest is history. We didn't connect instantly. The last leg of our trip made it happen.

And I am so glad we did. He understood me without knowing a thing about me. And I think that was the turning point. He had surprised me in so many ways that I have lost the count now.

I don't know whether he's my SOUL MATE or not. But he definitely is a part of my soul.

Let me tell you how soul-mate originated. It is believed to be created by Greek Gods

Apparently, humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them: you and your soul mate are destined to find each other.

We are like riverbanks that can walk alongside but can never be together. I don't know what future holds for us. But he is special and will always be special in my life.

I really wish him luck and loads of love and happiness in life. The way he's made my ordinary life a happy life may his life be a life of what dreams our made of!

I am sure happiness too would be obliged to find a great companion like him.

LONG LIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP!

Valentine’s Day: When a boring week day turns into a RED DAY!!!!!

Apologies for the long break. Could not help it though, as pappi pet ka sawal came in the way of blogging. However, it gave me some fodder for my blog.

During the Valentine’s week many things made it to the BREAKING NEWS – Delhi's Israeli Bomb Blast, Dhoni’s never ending love with thrilling climax to the ODIs, SC rejecting Army Chief VK Singh’s plea, Politicians celebrating every day as promise day in UP elections, Sahara making Indian cricket team besahara and a peaceful VALENTINE’S DAY celebrations for a change.

So what is that I am going to bore you with today? Well, since I am a prisoner of love what best then writing about Valentine’s Day.

Now let me begin with some history gyan about Valentine’s Day.

The origin of this day is from my favourite country – Italy.

Italy is one place that I am dying to see. Italian food, architecture and culture attract me like a magnet. Maybe my something is waiting there! Time I start planning my next holiday.

Anyways that’s a topic to be pondered over next time. Let me come back to the original point.

Valentine’s Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno, the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl’s name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody wars and to enroll more soldiers into army Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome that time. He and Saint Marius secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. To show gratitude towards Saint Valentine the pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavored to celebrate this day on the name of Saint Valentine’s Day.

So you see Valentine’s Day actually started with a SACRIFICE. Love was to be savored not lusted for.
Also, nowhere it was patented that only boys would make all efforts to please the girls. It was a mutual effort.

But today Valentine’s Day has turned into a Merchandise Day.

City gets painted in Red. Girls deck up in red from top to toe, holding red roses with red gifts. Heart is no more a part of your body but is suspended in Malls. So much is red mania that I hate seeing anybody draped in red.

These days’ materialistic pleasures have taken over the heart matters. The colored lenses never allow you to see through the depths of your heart in your eyes.

I have an inherent problem with all these so called days that celebrate LOVE, MOTHERS, WOMEN, FATHER, and CHILDREN among scores of other things.

I believe that love and relationships are to be celebrated every day.

So here's a toast to every day of Life. Make it count!!!!!!!!

MEN AND THE 'C' WORD

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, liberating, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, disparaging, excruciating, demeaning and time-wasting.

This week is Valentine’s week where love is not just in the air but on my TV, phone, newspaper, radio, malls, internet…actually everywhere. 

Love it or hate it but you just can’t ignore it. So, in such a love filled environment why am I writing a post which is contrary to the topic of LOVE. Not that I am Love cynic. I very much believe in love and am perennially in love. Just that I have seen enough of life that I have somehow managed to see through what kind of love works and what doesn't. And, as they say love is blind I thought this is the right time to remove the blinkers from the eyes of love-struck puppies so that they don't get hurt by bad love.

In this post I am not going to talk about how beautiful love is and how you should savor it for life. I am going to write about a disease called COMMITMENT PHOBIA that mostly men suffer from and as a result they make their girls suffer too.

Commitment phobia among men today is nearly as common as common cold. In Indian culture, where loyalty and monogamous relationships are much appreciated - men are afraid of not commitment but committing a long term mistake. 

If they do a mistake, then instead of opting for 'cutting the graft' approach they usually go in for a ‘no-strings attached’ benefit approach. in other words 'Polygamy'. If they are not married then they won't mind dating multiple girls and if they are married then EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR is ‘the’ thing for them.  

Hypocrisy runs in their blood and balls. They can go against monogamy in life, but will never speak against it. It makes them a monster. No one speaks against it? And this creates a dichotomy, between what they live and what they profess. 

As one of my stranger-cum-friend quoted that men are simple and insecure by nature who would not like to have too many complexities in their lives. They would prefer material expenses over emotional and mental expenses. They would not have the guts to walk out of a wrecked marriage but would be more than willing to have an affair with a pretty young thing. Icing on the cake would be if she happens to be dumb. Men just can’t tolerate emotional pangs.

They would love to live multiple untangled lives simultaneously. They would want to be an ideal son/husband/dad when at home…ideal boyfriend when out with a girl…and ideal employee at work. 

They would never want to disturb this equilibrium. They prefer practicality over being emotional. They would love to take you out for lunches, dinners, shopping, vacations and anything that MasterCard can buy. But anything else that money can’t buy and could risk their life equilibrium would instigate them to disappear and call it off without giving you any warning. 

When you’ll think that all is going well and you are ready to move to the next stage, they would stiffen up. Would say nothing but would avoid an eye contact with you...and thereafter would never return your calls. The moment love comes into picture that very moment your relationship is over. The romance evaporates in no time. These commitment phobic men are not looking for LOVE but LUST N FUN. 

So the important question is why Men are so commitment phobic? 

Reasons could be many:

• Fear of losing freedom,
• Past baggage,
• Monotonous sex life,
• Insecurity about their partners,
• Feeling not ready to take the plunge,
• Easier access to sex,
• Too much commitment pressure
• Misanthropist towards women,

Most obvious reason for men not liking commitment idea is that it signals the end of fun and freedom.

But there’s another version of the story. Let me explain it through an example.

A dear friend of mine who went around with a girl for five years ended up marrying her not because he wanted to but he was pressurized by the girl. He wasn’t ready to take the plunge but gave into impulse and ever surmounting pressure. And the result is that after 11years of courtship, marriage and multiple marriage counseling sessions they are on the verge of a divorce. There are no family issues or other women involved here. So what went wrong? Well it wasn’t that the guy was commitment phobic but he could not decide wisely because tremendous pressure robed him out of his sanity.

Not always men are commitment phobic, but sometimes women are too eager to enter a committal relationship rather than just let it develop naturally over time. This forcing tends to drive people away, the same as if an overeager salesman tries to push you into buying something, even when it’s something you may actually want to buy; you would end up shoving him away because his pushing has off-putted you.

When your man becomes commitment phobic and disappears from your life then something about you didn't fit into his perception of a relationship. The common ones are, too needy in terms of emotional, physical or financial support, acting like a girlfriend/wife before he is ready, mothering him or just giving too much of yourself. When you give him too much then he’ll start feeling like there’s a mismatch in yours and his intensity. He’ll always feel the pressure to reciprocate even when he would not want to. He'll feel indebted towards you. Not a good feeling. He may not feel like returning the gestures, but feels obligated to do so. No man wants to do anything out of obligation. It takes the fun out of it. 

So how can you save yourself from dealing with these commitments phobic men?

Best thing is to choose the guy wisely and be upfront. Tell him exactly what your expectations are from the very beginning. Maybe you'll lose him, but it's okay. Let him go. Remember this saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." If he's really in love with you, he will come at a point where he realizes that his biggest fear is not in committing to you, but in losing you!

Trust me this always works. Men respond to distance, not words.

But the other problem that could occur later on is by the time he realizes he’s in love with you and is ready for the commitment you could be out of love. But that’s ok. Maybe he wasn’t right for you. Maybe you were too good for him. Maybe he had to learn a hard lesson through you….lot of maybes but eventually you’ll be happy and not sad. 

The fact of the matter is being in love with a commitment phobic man is emotionally exhausting. You hold onto how it was in the beginning and ignore how it is now.  No magic wand will transform the non committal man into a great partner. 

The best thing is to let it go and move on in life. No point sulking and wasting your life on a person that doesn’t value your emotions. You might find it extremely painful to walk out of a relationship since you would have invested so much emotionally but whatever you do, don’t compromise your dignity. Remember you were born as an individual and will go as an individual. Don’t let an oddball treat you as trash and keep justifying his behavior every other day. Walk out of the relationship if need be. It is no good watering a withered plant. It’s better to part on a good note than ruin your life – 

“Challo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono…”

Love your Life

Express yourself

Reading these two words what comes to your mind - Airtel ad.

Not bad for a brand to create such a superb brand recall. Kudos to the team who worked on this campaign. It's one of my all time favourite campaign

Coming back to our post idea - Express Yourself.

These are  not just any two words but they define the course of your life.

What hurts more?

Saying something and then regretting why you said it 

or 

Not saying anything and then regretting why you didn't say it?

My vote goes for the second one. Why should you hide your feelings for any darn thing. God gave us the art of speech and expression so that we can express ourselves freely. What if it hurts later. It's ok atleast you'll not live with a grudge that you didn't let it out.

Even if no one is listening to you then also butt it out. You never know God might be too busy and might need a second reminder.

Scores of songs, stories, advertisements, films have been written on 'EXPRESS YOURSELF' theme.

Some of my favourite ones are - Madonna's Express Yourself song, Airtel campaign and Lady Gaga's 'Born this way' song which in a way echos the same thought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg47SNWvu0g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lypkFQ3bPg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1FrqwZyKw&ob=av2e

So why is it so important to express yourself?

Well expressing yourself is as important as breathing, eating, sleeping or loving.

You have to be real and not fake because fake doesn't last for long. If you want the relationship of your dreams, you gotta feel good enough about yourself to be real.

It’s pretty easy to start a relationship but difficult to sail through.

Here’s where the sticky part comes in: What do you do the first time you feel angry and you are scared to express yourself as you might get labelled as a bitch?

So you say nothing. You swallow how you really feel and come back for more of that “easy” relationship.
But what is it like being in that relationship now?
• Do you feel the same love you felt in the beginning?
• Do you feel hurt, confused, unhappy, just ok, kind of shut down?
• Do you want to spend less and less time with your significant other?
• Do you resent doing the things for your partner/friend/family you used to do happily?
• Do you sometimes feel, “If this is how it’s going to be, then I’m better off alone?”

Is this the way to have a relationship? What went wrong?

Well...you started the relationship on a wrong foot. You didn't EXPRESS YOURSELF and that's why you feel so burdened.

Somehow, somewhere, our middle class values have taught us to be nice. To be nice you have to stuff your anger deep inside somewhere and hide it away, or you won’t be nice.

But this is the biggest blunder we do. Not expressing yourself without any guilt has far worse repercussions than what we presume.

To be fully whole and fully supportive of yourself, you have to allow yourself to have and express your feelings – appropriately, of course. And that includes anger.

It will help your relationship blossom like never before.

Have you ever watched a baby express himself? If he is angry, he'll howl at the top of his voice to make the entire household go into a tizzy but as soon as he is comforted or had his diaper changed or is fed, he is happy again. No stuck feelings.

Same way we are conditioned to express ourselves through various emotions. We should not allow any bad feelings make their home in our heart because eventually they will hurt us the most than anyone else. Stuffing your anger away,will not work. It will create more anger, resentment, arguments, and will have upsets of every variety.

So people SPEAK IT OUT EVEN IF SOMEONE CARES TO LISTEN TO YOU OR NOT. JUST VENT IT OUT.