WHAT IS SELLING?

For the last two days there is a lot media space and mind space given to the CERN research centre having discovered a new subatomic particle that could be the elusive Higgs boson, which is believed to be crucial in the formation of the universe.

Some people are really gung-ho about the finding and some are totally rubbishing it. 

Also, there is a big chunk of people who have absolutely no clue about what they are talking about and are confusing the ‘GOD PARTICLE’ to ‘GOD’.

Although I am still reading through this piece of news and haven’t formed a concrete opinion on the same. 

But this news did prompt me to write a post on something very different yet connected.

So what exactly is CERN research centre trying to do?

Well in my opinion they are trying to SELL AN IDEA that they believe has a solid RTB (Reason to believe).

Now it’s upto us whether we buy that Idea or reject it.

What is selling?

An art or science?

I would say it’s nothing but CONVICTION.

If you are convinced about an IDEA you’ll do anything to sell that idea and if you are not then you’ll do the selling halfheartedly.

Sometimes you would not even understand the true potential of an idea but it fructifies into something magnanimous that generations to come in will stay in awe of.

I guess so far I am just talking and talking. Now let me explain through an example.

Dayton, Tennessee is a tiny town of around 7,000 people, in US.

In 1925 an event took place there that made it world famous.

It was known as ‘The Trial Of The Century’.

The State of Tennessee had passed an act which made it illegal to teach evolution in state schools.

A young science teacher, John Scopes, was found to have been doing just that.

He was arrested and brought to trial.

Two of the most famous legal minds in America headed the opposite side in the case.

Three-time Presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan headed up the prosecution.

Famous lawyer Clarence Darrow headed up the defense.

The trial set the modernists against the fundamentalists.

The main case for the defense was that The Bible was not meant to be taken completely literally.

The fundamentalist argued for the prosecution that every word of The Bible was the absolute literal truth.

The literal truth.

So mankind was descended from Adam and Eve.

And teaching that we were descended from monkeys was blasphemy.

Throughout the trial, Williams Jennings Bryan was keen to show off his knowledge of The Bible.

Being a Presidential candidate, he’d been doing this for many years and was proud of it.

The defense masterstroke came towards the end of the trail.

In a brilliant move, they called Williams Jennings Bryan, the prosecutor, to the stand.

As an expert on The Bible.

The judge at first refused to allow it, but Bryan himself insisted.

This was his chance to show off his Biblical knowledge.

Once on the stand, the defense was able to demonstrate just what nonsense Bryan’s case was.

And they ridiculed his insistence that The Bible was historical fact.

It was science versus dogma.

Their exchange became the high point of the trial, and all the subsequent media coverage.

But what impressed me most was something very few people know about that trial. It was a publicity stunt.

In 1925 the American Civil Liberties Union had run an ad offering to finance the defense of anyone caught teaching evolution.

Three locals from the little town of Dayton were discussing the ad in the local drugstore.

Walter White the school superintendent, Sue K. Hicks a local attorney, and George Rappelyea, a representative for the local coal and Iron Company.

Rappelyea said “This could be just the thing to put our little town on the map. Think of the income a trial like this could generate.”

They asked a 24 year old substitute teacher, John Scopes, if he’d agree to do it.

He said he couldn’t remember if he’d ever taught evolution or not.

They said it didn’t matter, he could pretend he had.

And they persuaded three high school students to testify that he had.

And that’s how ‘The Trial Of the Century’ happened.

At the time there were millions of words by hundreds of reporters, in newspapers, magazines, books, and radio coverage all over the world.

In the decades since, there have been films and TV shows, starring Hollywood superstars like Kirk Douglas, Spencer Davis, Jack Lemmon, and George C Scott.

The revenue generated by that trial made Dayton famous and its residents wealthy.

Even today, there’s still a thriving tourist industry.

People coming to visit the museum, the schoolhouse and court house where it all happened.

To stay overnight, eat at the restaurants, and buy souveniers.

85 years later, tourist dollars are still coming into Dayton, Tennessee, population 7,000.

And that’s how three people chatting in a small local drugstore put their little town on the map.

SO IN A NUTSHELL FUNDAMENTAL OF SELLING IS NOTHING BUT CONVICTION IN YOUR IDEA.

Time will tell whether all of us will believe in the conviction of CERN scientists or not. Till that time congratulations to the team who have sacrificed their lives for half a decade to prove what they believed in.

The ONE

"Wait for the one who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what. Wait for the one who makes you smile like no other, and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the one who wants to show you off when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. Most of all, wait for the one who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously, he's at the center of yours."  - anonymous


This blog post is a sweet fruit of  WAIT.

It is dedicated to a very special person in my life.

I don't want to bring down the sanctity of my relationship by talking about what he means to me. He's not my father, not my brother, not my husband, not my boyfriend, not my colleague, not my friend, not my mentor. He's neither of these...but all of these. He defies any particular relationship. He's way beyond to be shackled in relationships.

He's the one that is exactly like me but still different like chalk and cheese. He's a very special person.

He has changed my life just by being part of it. He met me when I was going through a very hard time.

He makes me laugh until I can't laugh any more.

He cracks silly jokes that make no sense but still I can't stop giggling.

He sings in the most besura manner. He make faces.

He pretends to be angry when i use racial slurs (teasingly only).

He is someone who makes me believe that this world is really beautiful and full of life.

He is the one who says that I should read 'MEN ARE FROM MARS. WOMEN FROM VENUS' to understand men.

He's the one who says that I should find someone good for myself and when someone comes a little close he gets jittery.

In other words, he defines FOREVER FRIENDSHIP.

We confide in each other like no other. I fight with him all the times but he's always there to make it work. He never complains when I take him out for marathon shopping sessions. He lies to his parents to meet me. He sacrifices his sleep to talk to me. He is so much to me that my computer's hard-disk can crash writing about him but I can't stop describing him.



There is an electrifying feeling between us that words cannot describe.

The two of us are inseparable. When we look into each others eyes, time and space have no meaning. Our conversations seem to go on forever. There are no barriers between us. There is a special sacredness to our relationship that transcends anything we've ever experienced before. Our relationship is definitely for the keeps.


So how did we meet? I met him in a totally unplanned and unexpected manner in very unusual circumstances.

Our story sure can make a Bollywood romcom. I met him in a train journey on my friend's wedding. Yes....Jab We Met kinds. But in a different avatar.

And rest is history. We didn't connect instantly. The last leg of our trip made it happen.

And I am so glad we did. He understood me without knowing a thing about me. And I think that was the turning point. He had surprised me in so many ways that I have lost the count now.

I don't know whether he's my SOUL MATE or not. But he definitely is a part of my soul.

Let me tell you how soul-mate originated. It is believed to be created by Greek Gods

Apparently, humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them: you and your soul mate are destined to find each other.

We are like riverbanks that can walk alongside but can never be together. I don't know what future holds for us. But he is special and will always be special in my life.

I really wish him luck and loads of love and happiness in life. The way he's made my ordinary life a happy life may his life be a life of what dreams our made of!

I am sure happiness too would be obliged to find a great companion like him.

LONG LIVE OUR FRIENDSHIP!

Say no to OVER.

These days I get too many pesky messages and calls on confidence building/public speaking.
Most of the times I ignore them but yesterday I yelled at one of the caller.

But later on I realised that in today's time CONFIDENCE is the most important parameter to succeed.
It might be a good job to help the ones who need help.

Anyways that call gave me the topic for my new post. And here it is - CONFIDENCE vs OVERCONFIDENCE.

Not that I am going to talk about something that is unheard of but I just felt like talking about it and so here I am at your service :)

I am from advertising and the most important thing in our profession is to appear CONFIDENT even when we know we are selling SHIT.

And believe you me we do a fabulous job in doing that. I myself has done it so many times.

But as it is said anything that reaches the 'OVER' threshold is bad.

You might have a brilliant idea but if you are not confident about it then it might never see the light of the day.

You might love someone heads-over-heal but the the moment you overdo it your relationship starts showing the cracks.

So how important is confidence? When does confidence become overconfidence?

Let me tell you a story from the past, set in the west - Malta in 1942.

Malta was an essential British base in the Mediterranean, and a convoy was sent to resupply it.

The Italians and Germans did everything they could to sink the convoy.

To the British, it was vital Malta survived. To the enemy, it was vital it didn’t.

In just a few days, many warships and merchant ships were sunk.

As the convoy neared Malta, many of the Royal Navy warships had to turn back to Gibraltar.

This left the convoy exposed. And at that moment, a massive Italian fleet appeared.

6 cruisers and 17 destroyers steaming towards the virtually unprotected convoy.

If the Italian warships got to it they could sink the lot, at will.

What could the British do?

They sent out two elderly Wellington bombers.

The planes flew over the Italian ships, at night, dropping flares which lit up their entire fleet.

This worried the Italians, why drop flares not bombs?

The Wellingtons received a radio message in plain language “Report position of enemy fleet to Liberator bombers and illuminate target with flares.”

The Wellingtons dropped more flares, and received the message again in plain language.

“Use flares to illuminate enemy fleet for Liberator bombers, action immediate.”

The Italians intercepted both messages.

So that was why the British were dropping flares and not bombs.

An air raid from a massive force of American Liberator bombers could destroy the entire fleet.

Luckily they’d intercepted the messages, now they could foil the plan.

The fast new Italian ships turned 180 degrees and escaped at full speed.

Before the Liberators could reach them.

So the Italian Navy outwitted the British and Americans.

Well, not quite.

There were no Liberator bombers anywhere nearby.

In fact there were no Liberators within flying distance.

And even if there had been, there was no time to prepare them.

The flares and the radio messages were a complete bluff.

If the Italian fleet had carried on, they would have had the convoy at their mercy.

It would have been 23 Italian warships against 15 unarmed British merchant ships.

They could have destroyed them all, as easily as target practice.

But they didn’t.

Because of confidence on one side, and lack of confidence on the other.

Instead of carrying bombs, and dropping them on the warships, the Wellingtons just dropped flares.

They carried their bluff out with confidence.

The Italians weren’t confident.

They were ready to believe that the Royal Navy would do anything to destroy their fleet.

So, instead of thinking of themselves as the stronger force, they thought of themselves as the weaker force.

Instead of opportunities, they saw only threats.

Two elderly bombers dropping flares were all they needed to convince themselves.

It didn’t occur to them to ask why such an important message hadn’t been sent in code.

Why it had just been sent in plain language.

Almost as if the British wanted them to intercept it.

The Italians were worried that they couldn’t afford to risk their navy.

The British knew they couldn’t afford to lose Malta.

So the British knew they had nothing to lose.

The Italians thought they had a lot to lose.

And the British, actually in the weaker position, bullied the Italians into retreating.

It’s all about confidence. Confidence gives you the wisdom. 

When to  choose between the safe option and the exciting option.

When to say "Let's go for it"  or "Let's leave it".

When we’re applying for a job.

When you are proposing to someone.

When you are starting a new business.

When you are presenting a game-changing strategy.

When we’re in danger of overthinking it.

Belief creates energy, energy creates chances.
Trepidation has the opposite effect.

If you want to win, you have to be prepared to take a chance.

If you’re not prepared to take a chance, maybe you shouldn’t gamble.

But then of course, like the Italian navy, you can’t win.

So it's important to clearly demarcate CONFIDENCE FROM OVERCONFIDENCE.

The End!

I was living my life like a dream.  Completely forgetting the fact that dreams are after all dreams not life.
Their destiny is to end. Still I completely sidelined it. Only to be woken up from slumber to be left heartbroken once again.

So here I was enjoying every moment of my life with a resolve to live my life in a truly majestic style. I had promised myself to be happy in whatever condition I might be in.
But I have a basic problem of screwing up things when they are just going fine. So as usual I destroyed everything once again.

My biggest problem is that I am very passionate and emotional. And expect the same from people.
I don’t know whether I fall for wrong people all the time or I make wrong moves with the right people. Whatever might be the reason the outcome is always same – I always hurt myself and others.

I just don’t know how to go back. I can never go back once I have traveled a certain distance.
As Katrina Kaif said in Zindagi na milegi doobara “mujhe life mein afshos karna nahi aata” but I still end up doing that. I never apply my brain when taking decisions. I just think by heart and that is what makes me pay in the end.

I have lost so many relations in my life because of my over emotional attitude.
And I guess I am on the verge of losing one more…yes one more addition to the list of never ending list of LOSES!!!!!!!!!!

Give life a second chance

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Maria Robinson

This is not just a line but a life changing statement that has transformed millions of lives over the ages.

Let me start this post with a moral science story which I am sure each one of us would have heard during our school time.

The King and The Spider. 

Vikram, a brave king, once had to fight against a large army with just a few soldiers. He was defeated and had to run for his life. He took shelter in a forest cave. He was very depressed. He was blankly gazing at the ceiling of the cave and suddenly an interesting thing happened.

A small spider was trying to weave a web across the cave ceiling. As the spider crawled up, a thread of the web broke and the spider fell down. But the spider did not give up. He tried to climb again and again. Finally, the spider successfully climbed up and completed the web.

Vikram began to think, "If a small spider can face failure so bravely, why should I give up? I will try with all might till I win". This thought gave strength to the defeated king.

Vikram again and again fought against the large army and finally, after many attempts defeated the large army and regained his kingdom. He had learnt a lesson from the spider.

So the moral of the story is – Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

Life is all about second chances. 

We don’t live in a perfect world. We’re not perfect people.

If we don’t achieve in the first go then it doesn’t mean we give up on our dreams. We should try again the same thing or try afresh something else. The key is never to give up. 

We rarely get things right the first time.  We might not be successful in the first go but perseverance eventually turns things around.

Personally I don't even remember the number of second chances that I have taken so far but I’m not ashamed of them.  Even though I’ve failed a lot, it means I’ve tried a lot too. I might have failed in different spheres of life – relations, love, job, health etc. but I have not lost faith in any one of them.

What transmutes an obstacle into an opportunity is your attitude.  Giving a second chance in life is showing a middle finger to failures in your life. 

As Lou Holtz rightly said “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”

When I was in school my parents dreamt of me becoming a doctor. I too tried hard but life had better plans for me. I couldn’t crack the medical exam but I did get through physiotherapy. However, had to let go of that opportunity considering that time it wasn’t a popular career option.

So instead of taking it negatively I decided to move on. I tried my hand at a different stream. I settled for a graduation in Industrial Microbiology. It was an interesting exposure as it made me realize that I am not cut for science stream. Next I moved on to do my Post Graduate diploma in advertising & communication. Again I entered into an unknown territory.

Whatever decisions I took in my career or my life I have no regrets as they have made me a wiser person. I have learned more from my mistakes than from my successes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like success. I am very competitive by nature. And I take life in a challenging manner. Giving up just doesn’t exist in my dictionary.

People enter a relationship with rosy dreams but when it doesn’t work out, they try hard to make it work for some time. Some more time…and…some more time. When they realize that it’s not going to happen then the best thing is to move on. This decision might be extremely harsh as it affects not just two individual’s life but others lives too. 

Sometimes facing harsh reality today carves a beautiful path for tomorrow.

So give life another chance. Don’t compromise.

 

When Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupati partnership didn’t work out then instead of letting it drag and affect their game, they amicably decided to part ways at the peak of their career.

And the result is in front of our eyes. Recently Paes captured 50^th doubles title.

There are innumerable stories wherein people kept faith in themselves and embraced life not as it came but what they envisaged.

Here are few motivational stories:

Christopher Reeve. The actor who played Superman became paralyzed as a result of a riding accident. Ironical! Reeve used to cry every day dealing with the reality of being in a wheelchair. But after cryinh hard daily, he would tell himself, “And now, forward!” Despite his handicap, Reeve was an exemplary model of courage. He continued to travel, gave public appearances, raised funds, became a director and served as a voice for the quadriplegics in the United States.  

Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, got fired after just one performance. His manager, Jimmy Denny, told him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

 

 But your ambition has nothing to do with your age. It’s to do with your pursuit for excellence.

Below few examples illustrate the same:

 

Colonel Sanders: KFC lovers might find it unbelievable that Colonel Sander’s idea was rejected 1009 times over a period of 2 years.  He was 65 when Kentucky Fried Chicken was launched. Before turning into a successful entrepreneur Sander took lot of second chances in life - his  many jobs included farmhand, army mule-tender, motel operator, aspiring lawyer, failed political candidate and, amateur obstetrician. Today, more than 12 million people eat at KFC each day in 109 countries.

Walt Disney. The founder on whose cartons many generations have grown up was fired from his first job because he was told that he lacked imagination.

 Dr. Peter Mark Roget: Age is just a number when you talk about Roget.  He invented Thesaurus. at Age 73. Till 61 he was an accomplished doctor, lecturer and inventor. Thereafter the second lease of life happened.

 

I have come across many people who have compromised with their dreams, life and love because they found it convenient and non-disturbing.

My urge to those guys is that life is too precious to be compromised for anything. What is not working today might work tomorrow. The important thing is to listen to your heart. If it says give it a try then go full throttled. If it says it won’t then the best thing is to streamline your energies in other things that could give you a better future. 

You can restart your life at any given point. Here is a quick checklist to fast forward >>>>>

• Let go of the baggage and move on from the past.
• Learn lesson from your experience.
• Get rid of the negative attitude.
• Bravely accept accountability for your current situation.
• Focus on the things you can or want to change.
• Figure out what you really want.
• Eliminate the non-essentials.
• Be specific and concentrate on the main thing.
• Focus on DOING instead of NOT DOING.
• Chalk out a to-do strategy.
• Maintain self-control and work on it for real.
• Forget about impressing people.

Lastly but most importantly is to stay happy and to be open minded. 

Do not sulk and be cynical. 

As Oscar Wilde said “cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."

Valentine’s Day: When a boring week day turns into a RED DAY!!!!!

Apologies for the long break. Could not help it though, as pappi pet ka sawal came in the way of blogging. However, it gave me some fodder for my blog.

During the Valentine’s week many things made it to the BREAKING NEWS – Delhi's Israeli Bomb Blast, Dhoni’s never ending love with thrilling climax to the ODIs, SC rejecting Army Chief VK Singh’s plea, Politicians celebrating every day as promise day in UP elections, Sahara making Indian cricket team besahara and a peaceful VALENTINE’S DAY celebrations for a change.

So what is that I am going to bore you with today? Well, since I am a prisoner of love what best then writing about Valentine’s Day.

Now let me begin with some history gyan about Valentine’s Day.

The origin of this day is from my favourite country – Italy.

Italy is one place that I am dying to see. Italian food, architecture and culture attract me like a magnet. Maybe my something is waiting there! Time I start planning my next holiday.

Anyways that’s a topic to be pondered over next time. Let me come back to the original point.

Valentine’s Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno, the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl’s name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody wars and to enroll more soldiers into army Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome that time. He and Saint Marius secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. To show gratitude towards Saint Valentine the pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavored to celebrate this day on the name of Saint Valentine’s Day.

So you see Valentine’s Day actually started with a SACRIFICE. Love was to be savored not lusted for.
Also, nowhere it was patented that only boys would make all efforts to please the girls. It was a mutual effort.

But today Valentine’s Day has turned into a Merchandise Day.

City gets painted in Red. Girls deck up in red from top to toe, holding red roses with red gifts. Heart is no more a part of your body but is suspended in Malls. So much is red mania that I hate seeing anybody draped in red.

These days’ materialistic pleasures have taken over the heart matters. The colored lenses never allow you to see through the depths of your heart in your eyes.

I have an inherent problem with all these so called days that celebrate LOVE, MOTHERS, WOMEN, FATHER, and CHILDREN among scores of other things.

I believe that love and relationships are to be celebrated every day.

So here's a toast to every day of Life. Make it count!!!!!!!!

MEN AND THE 'C' WORD

Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, liberating, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, disparaging, excruciating, demeaning and time-wasting.

This week is Valentine’s week where love is not just in the air but on my TV, phone, newspaper, radio, malls, internet…actually everywhere. 

Love it or hate it but you just can’t ignore it. So, in such a love filled environment why am I writing a post which is contrary to the topic of LOVE. Not that I am Love cynic. I very much believe in love and am perennially in love. Just that I have seen enough of life that I have somehow managed to see through what kind of love works and what doesn't. And, as they say love is blind I thought this is the right time to remove the blinkers from the eyes of love-struck puppies so that they don't get hurt by bad love.

In this post I am not going to talk about how beautiful love is and how you should savor it for life. I am going to write about a disease called COMMITMENT PHOBIA that mostly men suffer from and as a result they make their girls suffer too.

Commitment phobia among men today is nearly as common as common cold. In Indian culture, where loyalty and monogamous relationships are much appreciated - men are afraid of not commitment but committing a long term mistake. 

If they do a mistake, then instead of opting for 'cutting the graft' approach they usually go in for a ‘no-strings attached’ benefit approach. in other words 'Polygamy'. If they are not married then they won't mind dating multiple girls and if they are married then EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR is ‘the’ thing for them.  

Hypocrisy runs in their blood and balls. They can go against monogamy in life, but will never speak against it. It makes them a monster. No one speaks against it? And this creates a dichotomy, between what they live and what they profess. 

As one of my stranger-cum-friend quoted that men are simple and insecure by nature who would not like to have too many complexities in their lives. They would prefer material expenses over emotional and mental expenses. They would not have the guts to walk out of a wrecked marriage but would be more than willing to have an affair with a pretty young thing. Icing on the cake would be if she happens to be dumb. Men just can’t tolerate emotional pangs.

They would love to live multiple untangled lives simultaneously. They would want to be an ideal son/husband/dad when at home…ideal boyfriend when out with a girl…and ideal employee at work. 

They would never want to disturb this equilibrium. They prefer practicality over being emotional. They would love to take you out for lunches, dinners, shopping, vacations and anything that MasterCard can buy. But anything else that money can’t buy and could risk their life equilibrium would instigate them to disappear and call it off without giving you any warning. 

When you’ll think that all is going well and you are ready to move to the next stage, they would stiffen up. Would say nothing but would avoid an eye contact with you...and thereafter would never return your calls. The moment love comes into picture that very moment your relationship is over. The romance evaporates in no time. These commitment phobic men are not looking for LOVE but LUST N FUN. 

So the important question is why Men are so commitment phobic? 

Reasons could be many:

• Fear of losing freedom,
• Past baggage,
• Monotonous sex life,
• Insecurity about their partners,
• Feeling not ready to take the plunge,
• Easier access to sex,
• Too much commitment pressure
• Misanthropist towards women,

Most obvious reason for men not liking commitment idea is that it signals the end of fun and freedom.

But there’s another version of the story. Let me explain it through an example.

A dear friend of mine who went around with a girl for five years ended up marrying her not because he wanted to but he was pressurized by the girl. He wasn’t ready to take the plunge but gave into impulse and ever surmounting pressure. And the result is that after 11years of courtship, marriage and multiple marriage counseling sessions they are on the verge of a divorce. There are no family issues or other women involved here. So what went wrong? Well it wasn’t that the guy was commitment phobic but he could not decide wisely because tremendous pressure robed him out of his sanity.

Not always men are commitment phobic, but sometimes women are too eager to enter a committal relationship rather than just let it develop naturally over time. This forcing tends to drive people away, the same as if an overeager salesman tries to push you into buying something, even when it’s something you may actually want to buy; you would end up shoving him away because his pushing has off-putted you.

When your man becomes commitment phobic and disappears from your life then something about you didn't fit into his perception of a relationship. The common ones are, too needy in terms of emotional, physical or financial support, acting like a girlfriend/wife before he is ready, mothering him or just giving too much of yourself. When you give him too much then he’ll start feeling like there’s a mismatch in yours and his intensity. He’ll always feel the pressure to reciprocate even when he would not want to. He'll feel indebted towards you. Not a good feeling. He may not feel like returning the gestures, but feels obligated to do so. No man wants to do anything out of obligation. It takes the fun out of it. 

So how can you save yourself from dealing with these commitments phobic men?

Best thing is to choose the guy wisely and be upfront. Tell him exactly what your expectations are from the very beginning. Maybe you'll lose him, but it's okay. Let him go. Remember this saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." If he's really in love with you, he will come at a point where he realizes that his biggest fear is not in committing to you, but in losing you!

Trust me this always works. Men respond to distance, not words.

But the other problem that could occur later on is by the time he realizes he’s in love with you and is ready for the commitment you could be out of love. But that’s ok. Maybe he wasn’t right for you. Maybe you were too good for him. Maybe he had to learn a hard lesson through you….lot of maybes but eventually you’ll be happy and not sad. 

The fact of the matter is being in love with a commitment phobic man is emotionally exhausting. You hold onto how it was in the beginning and ignore how it is now.  No magic wand will transform the non committal man into a great partner. 

The best thing is to let it go and move on in life. No point sulking and wasting your life on a person that doesn’t value your emotions. You might find it extremely painful to walk out of a relationship since you would have invested so much emotionally but whatever you do, don’t compromise your dignity. Remember you were born as an individual and will go as an individual. Don’t let an oddball treat you as trash and keep justifying his behavior every other day. Walk out of the relationship if need be. It is no good watering a withered plant. It’s better to part on a good note than ruin your life – 

“Challo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye hum dono…”