Men are RASAGULLAS. Women are JALEBIES.

What women want? This question has plagued the mind of humankind for generations and generations. However, what men want is fairly simple. Men are Simple Beings whereas Women are Complex Creatures. And that's exactly the reason why I am calling this blog post title what it is.

To understand their wants, this time I decided to dig deeper and table out the differences between the two genders when they think about Love and commitment. While doing so I consulted lot my friends from both the genders, listened to lot of Ted Talks, spent hours on brainpickings.org and gathered whatever secondary data I could lay my hands on. And this is what I have to say.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE CHALK AND CHEESE WHEN IT COMES TO :

• RELATIONSHIPS: For women, relationship is a very special, mature connection between two individuals. It's a very special bond that they dream will last FOREVER. We see ourselves growing old with our partners like our grandparents did.  But for men, relationship is to have someone in your life that makes you happy, both emotionally and physically. They are not so future oriented. They think only about today's pleasure. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run. Men, on the other hand are not so fussy about working on a relationship. They are slightly lazy and easy-going when it comes to relationships. Men don't like to be questioned. Therefore when they are being made to stand in a guilty box they tend to run away. They don't want to break the relationships but they hate to be questioned on routine basis. Once they decide to break the relationship, there is no going back. Whereas women generally change their decision multiple times because the emotional investment is way too higher from their side. After the breakup, women seek closure through dialogue whereas men seek solace in avoidance and distraction. Women want to talk it out. Men want to bottle it in.

• LOVE: Women think of love in terms of Mills & Boons and Yash Raj romance. They want a guy like Raj of DDLJ who can love them, cherish them, pamper them, talk to them, listen to them, and make them the centre of their universe. They want love, protection and security. However, men think of love more in terms of sex aka Babydoll Sone Di. They do not daydream about romantic love; it is the sexual aspect of the relationship that has their attention. Women See Relationships, Men See Body Parts. Men want flesh, women want love. And the reason why they behave so differently is Testosterone. Men have 20 times more testosterone in their systems than do women. This results in a strong drive for sex in men. For men, having a long tally of their sexual conquests is a hallmark of achievement. Women on the other hand correlate sex and love. Men play love to get sex whereas women play sex to get love. Another big difference is men love their freedom the most. Their biggest fear is losing their freedom. They hate to justify their 'last seen at...' Whatsapp status to their girlfriend. They enjoy the company and love of their girlfriend but hate the questions and nagging bit. They just can't give the reins of their life to someone else. Remember Pyaar Ka Punchnama famous scene -[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIpmML49hMU]

• BRAIN PROCESSING: Men are able to compartmentalise  different pieces of  information like  emotions, behaviour, physical attributes, relationships, jobs, sex, romance, friendship, family etc. into separate compartments in their brains, while women tend to link everything together. Men see individual issues with parts of their brain, while women look at the holistic or multiple issues with their whole brain. Men can switch over from one compartment to another in no time without carrying a trace from one to another whereas women fail to do so. Therefore generally after a breakup men move on easily without their work-life balance getting affected whereas women take far longer to get over it. One look at their face and people can tell that they are going through some personal turmoil. Their face is their mirror. However, exceptions are always there.

• LAW OF ATTRACTION: We value that which is hard to get and we think little of that which is easily obtained. In men-women relationships, you are attracted to the person who is hard to get and you run from the one who chases you. The law remains the same for both in the initial phase. The difference arises when both get committed. So while women apply their rational side a lot in the attraction phase, they let their emotional side take over when they get committed. They don't raise doubts and start dreaming about their future together. On the other hand, men don't think too rationally before enrolling themselves in the chase game. For Men, the thrill is in the chase. After the conquest has been made, men are ready to move on to the next challenge. They don’t care about the emotional wreckage they have left behind them. After winning over the women, mystery wanes and so does their feelings. What once used to be attractive seems to become boring and irritating.

• COMMITMENT: This word sends chills to men's body as soon as it is uttered by their lady love. It is their biggest phobia. They are eager to fall in love but too scared to commit. And when they eventually do, it is after lot of deliberation and rational calibration. Emotions don't rule their decisions. They weigh every pros and con before committing. For them, it is not a game of love but a mission to be accomplished. They would never venture into a relationship that can put them off guard or pose difficult questions in the future. They don't want to mess up the equilibrium of their family and career. They like to play safe when it comes to commitment. However, for women it is the opposite. They say yes to a love proposal after visualising their entire life with the guy proposing. They would think up to their grandchildren before saying a yes. Another big difference is, men always have a plan B in mind. They would never put all their eggs in one basket. While they would be dating a girl, they would simultaneously be turning on their ignitions for another chase game.

HOPE THE RASAGULLAS AND JALEBIS CAN LOOK BEYOND THEIR DIFFERENCES AND STAY HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

The above points are generic and as I mentioned earlier, exceptions are always there. I truly believe that not all men are same. Some men are quite hesitant to start or carry on a relationship with a girl that they think they'll not be able to commit to, therefore instead of breaking the girls heart at the end, they halt their engines in the beginning itself. While some men don't venture on the path, others know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know true love and fidelity are the main ingredients. When they meet the right woman they  try their best to make it work. The only small issue is realizing when you have met the right woman. Sometimes they get bogged down by the fear of difficulties and compromise even before trying. My advice to them would be

Don't belittle love. There are too many ordinary things in life. Let love be extraordinary and precious.

TOTALLY UNRELATED STUFF THAT I WANT TO SHARE

I am a hopeless romantic (thanks to Sharukh Khan) therefore in spite of shredding my heart into million pieces I'll continue believing in true love. True love which is unselfish and is committed. I believe in love even if the other person has moved on. My love will always be with him. Only for him. Because my love doesn't believe in giving up. It only believes in one thing - to love, no matter what. I might not shout out from the top of a mountain but it'll silently climb up the hills. My love is not bound by the shackles of the worldly possessions, inhibitions and rituals. It is beyond all this. My heart only knows how to love and it will continue loving you. No matter what.

Just like Don Williams I will continue believing in love. I believe in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rktW3byqdOs

PS: There are some interesting videos on understanding love. I particularly like Helen Fisher's work.  

Some of my favourite quotes are:

“Millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner."

"Romantic love is not an emotion. It’s a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind"

"Barriers tend to intensify romance. It's called the 'Romeo and Juliet effect.' I call it 'frustration attraction."

"You know, when you've been dumped, the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being, and then go on with your life - but no, you just love them harder."

"After a man falls madly in love, he no longer cares how old she is."

“Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can't stop thinking about another human being.”

In case you want to hear some of her speeches. Then here are the links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a2PvlD-O9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OYfoGTIG7pY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfoGTIG7pY

Serendipity - A Gift wrapped Catastrophe

It was 8:30 am and the group of 15 strangers-turned-friends was raring to challenge the mountain and experience a never seen before beauty of Triund Hill - Heaven on earth for nature lovers and trekkers. We knew the 6 kms trek was tough and will challenge not just the city dwellers physical stamina but mental stamina too. Still the enthusiasm was too overpowering to be weighed down by the scare of the obstacles. The enigmatic euphoria made us complete a journey of five hours in just three hours. And the top view was so breathtakingly beautiful that it didn't give our mind any wandering space to let  fatigue or negative thoughts creep in.

After soaking ourselves in the natural beauty, followed by lengthy photo sessions, forever ongoing chat sessions,  the soulful live music jam sessions; we decided to call it a night with grand plans for the next day.

We were all too happy to realise that the movie was actually a thriller not a romcom. The serendipity changed into a nightmare. It was bone-numbing cold out there in the open and we were severely under-prepared. The temperature was  zero degree and our tents were not even ready to face 15 degrees.  In between tossing and turning and shivering in the cold with the background score of a storm and dogs howling on a full moon night, we somehow managed to get over the night. Next day morning, we woke up with happy thoughts of embarking on another 60 minutes trek to witness the most mesmerising sunrise from the highest point - The temple of Shri Kunal Pathri Devi but God had other plans. It started raining and snowing, which in other words meant that forget the onward trek even our downward trek was in danger. We were warned by our guide that  downward trek is way too difficult than trekking upwards even in normal conditions. And rain and melting snow would further make it more dangerous as it often leads to loss of control and many mishaps. Following our guide's advice, we changed our plans to safely reach our base instead of trekking ahead.

Being a brave heart, who like to face challenges head on, I decided to lead. I started my downward journey ahead of everyone else. And I was the first one to finish our trek in flat two hours. So the trek which was difficult for many was a cakewalk for me.

During this trip, besides enjoying the nature's moody beauty and making some good friends, I tested my limits too and I was pleasantly surprised with myself. I was really looking forward to this trip for numerous reasons. It was my escape from the harsh reality. And it proved to be one. I had the time of life. Met some awesome people. Forgot all the heartache. I was brimming with hope and joy when I reached the concrete jungle.

However, like always, the joy was short lived. I didn't have an inkling that there was a worse news waiting for me. I didn't have a clue that the news I am going to get after experiencing the most awesome weekend will sweep away the ground beneath my feet. For a second I could not believe my ears. I was speechless. I was numb.I didn't know what was happening around me.

The year 2014 had started on a BIG HIGH for me but since then I have been getting jolts after jolts. And this one is perhaps the biggest.

But does that mean I give up?

NO.

I stand again with a resolve to win again.

Perhaps these jolts are necessary to challenge my limits and discover my true potential.

Also, I learnt one big lesson in the last 3 months that besides being forever optimist, it is good to be cynical too. Oxymoronic? Yeah. But sometimes oxymoron can co-exist. Pay attention to your intuition and observation while staying optimistic because:

What feels like 'too good to be true' is actually not True. It is your intuition's warning to brace yourself for the upcoming catastrophe.

In other words, Serendipity is a gift wrapped Catastrophe.

Though serendipity has positive connotations but you should always take it with a pinch of salt. Prepare yourself to brace the chaos too. Serendipity is not as simple as Oxford dictionary says it. It is far more complicated. There are different stages of happiness and randomness in the Serendipity curve.

So my advice to myself and others (in case anyone is interested) while you enjoy serendipity do take your intuition seriously to avoid the gift wrapped Catastrophe :)

ACT, DON’T REACT

I am sitting in my room, waiting for my friend to arrive. A friend, who promised several times but ditched every single time.  So when i get a text that I won’t be seeing him today I loose my temper. Forgetting all the good things he has done for me I deliberately send him a nasty text just to make him feel sorry beyond words.

But after two days when I sit back and ponder on why i did what i did; I realised words don't have the power to hurt you. Unless, the person who said them means a lot to you. And when that “means a lot” person doesn't fulfill your expectations then you don’t act but you react.

Your reaction defies Newton’s third law. Your reaction is far louder than action.

Your reaction is not controlled by your mind but your heart. And that is why it is said it is more difficult to control your heart than mind.

Sometimes it’s just wise to sit back and do nothing – neither act nor react. Just stay calm. But it is easier said than done; especially, if you are as volatile as me.

While I was pondering on ACTION-REACTION I came across an interesting incident. And that is how this blog post idea came to my mind. Let me take you through that story.

A few years ago, a TVC director was at a dinner party with an ad agency NCD in one of the advertising festivals. The NCD had given the director some great projects and helped make him successful. The director was a witty guy, and was known in advertising fraternity for his creative sense of humor. But at some point he said something the NCD didn't like. The NCD couldn't think of a witty response immediately. So he poured his glass of wine over the director’s jeans.

Now there were basically two responses at that point for the Director to react.

The director could react emotionally. He could thump the NCD (unlikely, it could end in a law suit). He could get up and walk out (bad choice, it looks a sulk). He could wittily put the CEO down (he looks good but it’s probably the end of the relationship). He could ask for money to get his jeans dry cleaned (embarrassing, the NCD will probably just toss him a couple of 100 notes).

Or the other choice was he could act rationally. Not emotionally.

Just laugh it off and carry on with the evening. Realising that the NCD had given you many expensive commercials in the past. He could probably give you many more in the future. You could load a few grand onto the next commercial to assuage the insult if you want. In fact you could load several grand onto every commercial he gives you from now on. You could get even that way. That glass of wine could end up costing him tens of thousands of Rupees.

That’s if you act rationally. Or it ends up costing you tens of thousands of Rupees if you act emotionally.

See, none of the options are wrong. But, like everything in life, they each come with consequences.

To stay in control of your life, all you have to do is constantly be aware of the consequences of your choices. Then choose accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with standing up and thumping the NCD. As long as you’re prepared to never work for him again. Plus a possibly costly court case for assault, and expensive damages from the restaurant. If you’re willing to accept all of that then go ahead and thump him. But don’t moan about it afterwards.

The director didn't  His immediate thought was probably something like “This is really embarrassing. Shall I throw my glass of wine back?”

Followed immediately by “What will that cost me?”

And he weighs the short-term benefits of getting even against the long-term benefits of swallowing the insult. He decides he’d rather have the big money.  The jeans dry-clean cost around Rs. 150; he stands to make tens of thousands. It would be nuts to throw that away. So he sits and smiles. He balances an evening’s embarrassment against a lot of money.

That’s existentialism. That’s street smartness. That’s business mindedness. That’s action.

There’s nothing wrong with whatever choice you make. As long as the preferred consequences are factored into your choice. The only thing wrong is pretending you have no choice over the consequences. That’s what Sartre calls ‘living inauthentically’. Pretending you have no choice. You always have a choice. Of course, you may not like the choices. But you always have a choice.

All it takes is ‘split-second awareness’ that marks the distinction between a ‘reaction’ and an ‘action’. Be rational whenever possible. It is always possible.

So moral of the story ACT, DON’T REACT.

 Incidentally, that commercials director now has much more money than that NCD.

It's actually that simple!

Problem is the Solution

People who write blogs don't write it under compulsion. But because there's a strong urge to get something out of their heart. Writing is a great pacifier. It is a balm for the soul.

And the reason why I am writing this post is because of 'Silver Linings Playbook' .

On the face of it, the movie is a rom-com but perched on a razor's edge between comedy and psychological drama. This movie gives a simple but life-changing lesson - Positive decisions can be made in the face of imperfection, desperation, and the desolate wasteland of your world in pieces.

For me one dialogue summed it all - “You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back.”

So whether you are sad, angry or just plain disgusted...instead of whining it's much better to figure out the solution. Remember every maze has a solution. Solution never comes out of outer space. It's always there. We just need to look around with wide open eyes.

Now let me tell you a real life story on how a person made adversity his best opportunity.

Don't know how many of you would have seen Blade Runner.

Blade Runner is a 1982 science fiction film directed by Ridley Scott, depicting a dystopic Los Angeles in November 2019.

Though I am not a huge fan of sci-fi movies but the reason why I am writing about this movie is not that I loved it but I loved the background story behind it that makes it so special.

Blade Runner is based on Philip K. Dick’s novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The first script was written by Hampton Fancher, a television actor. A friend of his told Fancher, “I think science fiction is going to happen,” and suggested Dick’s novel. Fancher came up with the idea of a detective who chases androids. Producer Michael Deeley (The Deer Hunter, The Italian Job [1969]), read both the book and Fancher’s script ideas and didn't like either very much. He wrote his own script and approached Ridley Scott to direct it but Scott rejected the idea.

After some time, due to tough financial condition Ridley Scott decided to take on the project with Michael Deeley. Initially the project was financed by Filmways Pictures, but the company was small and having financial difficulties, the group sought out new financing. The film was eventually financed partially by Warner Brothers and other investment groups.

When Ridley Scott finally got the financing to make Blade Runner it wasn't as much money as he wanted. The Hollywood studio were skeptical about the project. So they tried to cut costs. Ridley wanted to build a futuristic Los Angeles set for the movie. But all the studio would give him was a part of a generic 1920s town they had built ages ago. An unused set where they used to shoot gangster movies. All set in prohibition times. Because gangster movies had fallen out of fashion the buildings and streets in the set were decayed and peeling.

Looking at the sorry state of the available set Ridley wondered what to do. Obviously he felt insulted. Obviously the studio didn't take his film seriously. He pondered over the options available to him. The most obvious option was he could tell the studio to shove it. But if he did, that would almost certainly be the end of the movie. And probably the end of his film career in Hollywood too. So what could he do? It seemed impossible to shoot a futuristic science-fiction film about mutant robots in a set designed for black and white films about gangsters.

Ridley spent nights over nights on what could be the best solution. And guess what his problem gave him his solution.

He thought, the future is never devoid of past. The future isn't just brand new buildings, and brand new cars, and brand-new everything. The future is always about the latest things, overlaid on what came before. He decided to use the set as the past and overlay the future on it. To give a sci-fi image (which didn't exist that time) he added shiny aluminium piping to the outside of the buildings. And he added neon signs to the outside of the buildings. And people in modern, plastic clothes, with neon umbrellas. And travelling airships with massive outdoor TV screens. And all these futuristic props overlaid on the grungy old buildings just emphasised how the future always elbows the past aside.

But these props turned out to be much more important than they were initially thought of. Because neon shows up better at night, Ridley decided to shoot the movie at night. But it would also throw all the buildings into the background. Giving it the feel of a deserted and bypassed planet earth. Which was perfect for a story about returning mutant robots looking for their history. The cumulative effect gave the entire movie an all-pervading dark, ominous, threatening, sinister mood. This short-on-budget movie was truly craft out of waste. It played a pivotal role in Hollywood cinema. It launched an entirely new genre of film-making. Noir Science Fiction.

Over the years since its release, it has won nearly forty awards worldwide. It has been reissued in seven different versions. Blade Runner is considered a masterpiece. Ridley Scott’s Hollywood career took off. He went on to make many massively successful movies and featured among the important Directors. Many documentaries, novels, comics, video games and television series have been made on this movie.

So what is the moral of the story?
Take the problem head on and turn it into an opportunity.

Being a woman sports fan.

When you have grown up in a family where your favourite pastime is to watch sports, mind it sports not cricket, then you are bound to develop an interest in sports by default. Our dinner table discussions revolved around Azhar, Kapil, Ajay Jadeja, PT Usha, Leaner Paes, Prakash Padukone and very rarely Shanti, Svetlana could find place in our discussions. Guess coming from an army background changes your outlook towards life and the activities you indulge into. Although, I was more into watching than playing and that’s perhaps the reason why height didn't favour me. Anyways it's no surprise that I grew up to become an avid sports fan.

Barring my folks and friends, people still "test" me day in and day out on my sports knowledge. They still can’t come to terms that a girl can like sports too. Agreed, there are lesser number of women sports persons but that shouldn't be the reason for me not liking sports. Maybe I have more of my father in my genes. Or maybe I have a boy’s soul in a girl’s body :) I am sure reading that statement crazy ideas would be going in your mind. But rest your imagination horses.

Now let’s come back to the topic of being a woman sports fan.

The barrage of question would start with "Oh, really, you like sports?" and then there will be a tsunami of questions to test my knowledge, to prove myself if I was genuinely interested in sports or was I just faking to impress guys or just to stand out from other girls.

Once I would pass the first hurdle, the bar would be set higher for me. Stats, records, rules, players all will be tested. Believe you me, a life of a female fan is not easy and it’s damn difficult to fit into a male-dominated sports culture. Fandom is not measured by loyalty towards a team, but by the knowledge of statistics, players and history. Even though off late, more female fans have started following sports but still women are not fully accepted as equal-status fans by our male counterparts. We are still looked upon as lesser beings. Recently an avid sports fan indirectly made a pass at me saying that I don’t understand football at all and I made him think that Keys and Gray were right about what they have said about female sports fans. Here’s what Keys and Gray are reported to have said about Massey:

“Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her,” said Keys.
“Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule,” said Gray.
Keys replied “Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny (Dalglish) will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?” And then he added “The game’s gone mad. Did you hear charming [West Ham vice-chairwoman] Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour, love.”

Though I was initially hurt to read his comment but later on I reconciled to the fact that even if I know nothing about the game, it should not deter me from following the game  I love so much. Since I have not followed football from my childhood therefore my knowledge cannot be compared with them. I am a slow learner but let me learn it my way not your way. Why should I be made fun of? Doesn't this mindset reek of male chauvinism in a milder avatar. But I have no complaints since everyone is entitled to his opinion. I will do what I feel is right and you can do what you feel is right. So, what is it that makes men feel so fidgety about accepting women as sport fans? Maybe it has got to do with them being misogynist :) (a hot favourite word of one of my tweep friend these days). There could be multiple reasons. I could think of few:

• Sports fell into male territory. My limited knowledge from history books, movies suggest that sports were considered to be an activity for the alpha members of the family. Outdoor activities which included hunting and sports were clearly a male domain. Female encroachment wasn't acceptable and was considered as trespassing. 

• Men and women consume sports differently and speak a different language. For women, it's a sensory experience that ends with the match, except for some unforgettable ones like Ind-Pak CWC match or France-Italy WC football final match or Djokovic-Nadal Australian open final. However, for men, it’s more to do with cerebral experience. For them match doesn't end with the match. In fact it’s a beginning to those endless discussions. They love to discuss games threadbare. The pregame analysis, the post game analysis, dressing room politics, team selection etc. Collecting sports knowledge, is as important as the game itself. Whosoever possesses the maximum knowledge has one-upmanship in his group. If you are not into sports, you are not man enough. You are sissy.

• Other reason could be sport is the only arena left for men to express their masculinity, besides in the bed ;) They think the fairer sex is a weaker sex and cannot play/watch sports for long. They think women don’t have the brains and patience to think beyond their kitty parties. But excusez-moi you are completely wrong.

• Stereotyping is what everybody loves to do. Most of the Indian men have grown up in households where their sisters or mothers have not watched sports. Therefore men tend to generalize that women can’t play sports. Infact our movies like Kutch Kutch Hota Hai have reinforced the same by saying “Girls can’t play basketball”. Even brands like Gatorade, Nike, redbull, Cinthol, that have taken sportiness as their advertising plank, always resort to taking male models simply because that’s the common perception. 

• No women sports culture. Women are not promoted to play sports. In childhood when boys play cricket, girls play hide and seek, tippi-tippi-tap, gudiya-gudiya, posham-pa, stappu, ludo etc. Basically all games that don’t involve physical activities. And since they don’t play sports therefore understanding, relating and liking them doesn't fit into their scheme of things. They feel out of place when boys discuss sports.

• Men don’t watch women spots because they think women aren't good enough and are no match to men competition. However, men do watch women's tennis. But that’s probably because there’s ample skin show. Since they don’t think too highly of women sports persons therefore they somehow perceive that women can’t be good even as spectators.

The reasons could be innumerable but the bottom-line is that Girls are still treated like an outsider in sports discussions, which discomforts me. But slowly and steadily things are changing and men are becoming more open minded. Though,there’s still a long way to go.

I agree I am not as knowledgeable about sports as my male friends are. But I am a die-hard sports fan and I don’t feel ashamed to accept that I tend to know less about numbers and history. Maths has always been my weak area, so please excuse me for not remembering the stats, even though I would consume just as much current sports coverage as my male counterparts would.

I like sports because I can relate to them. I find them more passionate and less dramatic. Sports inspire me to try harder and never give up on my dreams. Every morning, last night’s match provide me the fodder for my office cooler conversation. On match days most of my twitter updates would be about the match. Watching sports and discussing them is a great stress buster for me. It helps in bringing people closer to me. I automatically become friends with people who love sports. It's a bonhomie catalyst for me.

In fact the best part about following sports is that even if you are watching a match alone, you are never alone. The constant conversation in the real or virtual world multiplies the fun of watching sports manifolds. It’s like watching a game with friends even when you are alone. 

I am not the one who watches only highlights but I love to watch the match from beginning to end without flipping the channel. My favourite player choice is not based on his legs, or how cute he looks (but of-course excluding Djokovic :)) but how well he plays his game. I might not know everything about every player or his every move but trust me I would know about the team standings, match summaries, the league standings and but of course the rules. Silly point, mid-off, Bouncer, Center Forward, offside, DRS Wing, backhand, cannonball is not nuclear science to me. I am not scarred to engage in a passion filled argument about the team or player I support. I am definitely not a two minute fan to induct myself into the game simply to score with the guys. You don’t have to bother to explain any rules or tactics unless I ask for. Also, I really hate it when somebody would try to disturb my concentration.

My kind of weekend is not to go out on marathon shopping sessions with my girlfriends but to watch a match. I’ll be very happy if I can see it in a stadium or at a pub. I won’t complain even if I see it at home. I get really animated when I am watching the game. You’ll see me cheering the loudest when my team is winning and when my team is doing badly then I’ll be screaming my lungs out to curse the opposition or the referee.

Boys who complain their girlfriends don’t let them watch matches, should make an effort to involve them in the games they love so much. Once your girl cheer with you, trust me you’ll have lesser reasons to complain and fight. And you’ll live happily ever after :)

From Rape...to No Rape State

“Rape is mostly consensual' - Haryana Congress leader

'I think that girls should be married at the age of 16, so that they have their husbands for their sexual needs, and they don't need to go elsewhere. This way rapes will not occur' - Haryana Khap Panchayat member Sube Singh

"Rapes happening because men and women are interacting more freely". - West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee

'Jaise jaise samay beet-ta hai patni purani hoti jati hai, woh maja nahi reh jata hai." - Union Coal Minister Sriprakash Jaiswal

"One of the reasons behind the increase in incidents of eve-teasing is short dresses and short skirts worn by women. This in turn instigates young men." - Trinamool Congress legislator Chiranjeet Chakraborty

'I think that girls should be married at the age of 16, so that they have their husbands for their sexual needs, and they don't need to go elsewhere. This way rapes will not occur'. - Haryana Khap Panchayat member Sube Singh

"Poverty and intoxication are the main reasons for rape as well as young people sitting together the wrong way. But also eating chowmein causes a hormonal imbalance which is a big reason for rapes." - Khap leader Jitender Chhataar

"If you're referring to the Park Street rape, see that is a different case altogether that was not at all a rape case. It was a misunderstanding between the two parties involved between a lady and her client. This was not a rape." - Trinamool Congress leader Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar

Ban skirts as school uniform to reduce harassment of girl students: BJP MLA Banwari Lal Singhal

The 23-year-old paramedic’s gang rape in Delhi shook the entire nation. And I think it even shook the mental balance of our politicians.

The aforesaid foolish responses are from our POLITICAL CLASS that is supposed to represent our thoughts. But I am really sorry my dear politicians, I beg to differ. I don’t think any of the above statements reflect our thoughts. It is your sick mentality that has helped the criminals to commit such heinous crimes.

We know you give a damn about our safety. And I am not even expecting the same from you, even though I pay you a hefty tax from my modest salary. When you take an oath you promise to work for the people. You owe me at least a safe life, if not a good life. But that’s like a dream beyond dreams. I just have a small request - please don’t demonstrate your sick mentality by making such primordial misogynist irresponsible statements. Your regressive thinking is the reason why women are still treated like commodities.

And it’s not just our politicians who blame victims instead of taking action against perpetrators. Our police too suffer from the same mental disorder. Few days back we saw a sting operation done by Tahelka on the Delhi-NCR police. Our ‘rakshaks’ think women are the ones inviting rape. They went to an extent saying “she asked for it” and “it is consensual most of the time”. They blamed young women for not staying within their boundaries, for wearing revealing clothes, for partying late, for drinking alcohol, for enticing men. According to them no rape would happen without the girl’s provocation.




So when the police, who we entrust with our safety, have such misanthropist views what solution can we expect from them. Obviously their apathy towards victims is the reason why so many rape cases go unreported. They will ask uncomfortable questions which makes the ordeal more painful for the sufferers. They blame victims for enforcing the rape upon them. Few days back in Patiala, the 17 year old rape victim ultimately ended her life. In her suicide note, the girl mentioned harassment by the police and the fact that she was being mentally tortured to compromise with the rapists. Why it was so difficult to understand that poor girl’s plight? Why nobody stood for her? Why a girl’s life is so worthless?

Coming back to the way a rape victim is treated in our shameless society. Her ordeal doesn't end at the police station. It continues even in our blindfolded judiciary. Some of our judges too endorse the patriarchal mindset. There have been numerous incidents wherein they have quashed the cases just citing stupid reasons. And even if they do hear the cases how many times have we seen the culprits being punished? I doubt that has ever happened else there would not so many rape cases. Our legal system doesn't work for the victims but for the culprits.



Let’s first understand this social evil. Rape is not just a stat figure. There is not one kind of rape but many kinds – ‘not-a-rape’ marital rape, patriotic rape (what our defence forces commit in Kashmir, northeast etc.), the minority rape, the lowly caste rape, rape by law protectors (police, politicians do when a rape victim goes for help), honour rape (to teach a lesson to victim’s family member) and many more.

Why men rape?

• Overblown sense of masculinity. Women’s consent is taken for granted
• Patriarchal society and hypocrite mindset: preach one thing and do other thing
• No respect for women and society
• Women are seen as sexual objects instead of sexual beings
• Lack of education and moral values
• No fear of law and order
• Bad family and past experiences
• Lack of sex and sexual awareness.
• Violent streak in character

The reasons could be innumerable. The question that I am raising is not what, how and why rape is committed. But how we can stop this epidemic from further spreading?

Time has come when we have to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Let’s not allow the non-accountable to shriek from their responsibility. Let’s kick the medieval and non-acting politicians out of our system by voting them out of power in the polls. Let’s not spare politicians, police or law makers until our demand for stringent women safety measures are met. 

We should use this incident as a starting point. Let’s not allow it to become a court case that drags on for decades to deliver justice to the deceased brave-heart. Her death should not go in vain. Let’s keep pressure on Government, police and our judiciary to punish the culprits hard, so that any animal would think twice before outraging the modesty of a woman. Let’s not ignore the safety of the women. Let’s have stricter laws and let’s make sure that they are followed too. The one that doesn't abide should not be let go. Let the culprits shudder from even thinking to commit such a crime.



But these are all outward changes, to address the issue we need to look inward too to find a root solution. We need to bring up our children in a way that they should under no circumstance disrespect women. Instead of suggesting talibani solutions to avoid getting raped, we should teach our sons to respect women? Let us begin by getting rid of the sexual violence in our homes and society. Let’s confront the rapists, child abusers and wife-beaters by breaking our silences. Let’s report and pursue the case till it gets its due justice. Even a small step like not using the swear words (using mothers and sisters) can play a pivotal role. Let’s stop eve-teasing and get rid of the lust that gets evoked when you see an alone girl on  road. Let’s not stay quiet when we see a girl being wronged. Let’s not dictate on how women should dress and behave. Let’s not treat them like animals. It’s time WE START TREATING WOMEN EQUAL. We don’t want a reservation bill for equality we want respect that’s heartfelt.

I am not here to give you a moral science lecture. But I just want to request you to be sensitive towards women at large. For god sake stop treating rape cases like prime-time appointment viewing. Someone’s misery should not be savored. We are talking about scarring someone’s life for forever. When a woman is raped, it’s not just her body that gets abused but even her mind and soul is assaulted for life.



Let’s have an India free of rape.

I hope I am not asking for too much. 

You do your bit. I’ll do mine. 

Lastly I am sorry we couldn't save you.

Unreal is the Real!

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”- Chuck Palahniuk

Bill Clinton's Speech - Not just an unabashed endorsement.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_pb7lAKw6M
Hello People. Sorry for a long hiatus. Wanted to write for so long but you know paapi pet ke liye you have to postpone the things you love. Anyways I am back at your service.

So the topic that I’m writing today has been there in my mind for long just that I couldn’t get time to put my fingers on the keyboard to write my blog post. Anyways as they say better late than never :)

I am sure many of you would be following the US president election campaign. I am too one of them who likes to know how they conduct their poll campaign.

Don’t know at the end of the campaign who will be having the last laugh - Barack Obama or Mit Romney. Anyways let’s leave that to the time and US people to decide.

So as expected, the Republicans portrayed Barack Obama as a bad president. They criticised his record on jobs and the economy. But their speech lacked both soul and matter.

A week later, at the Democratic convention, Bill Clinton made a speech in support of Obama. It was a lesson that not just politicians but even managers should pay heed to. His speech was not hollow like our leaders make but was full of facts and figures. And most importantly it was presented in a way ordinary people could understand. Clinton’s single minded theme throughout the speech was around jobs. He didn’t delve into other topics just to keep the argument clean and focused.

He opened his speech with a remark that would have won hearts of not just Michelle Obama but of millions of women across the world.

“I want to nominate a man cool on the outside but burning for America on the inside. A man who believes we can build a new American Dream economy driven by innovation and creativity, education and cooperation. A man who had the good sense to marry Michelle Obama.”

Now let’s come back to Clinton’s speech theme - jobs. He kept returning to this, totting up numbers as he went:

“Since 1961, the Republicans have held the White House 28 years, the Democrats 24. In those 52 years, our economy produced 66 million private sector jobs. What’s the jobs score?  Republicans 24 million. Democrats 42 million!”

He didn’t put across his party’s opinion but facts in a language that ordinary working people could understand:

“In 2010, things began to turn around. In the last 29 months the economy has produced about 4.5 million private sector jobs. But last year, the Republicans blocked the President’s jobs plan costing the economy more than a million new jobs. 

So here’s another jobs score: President Obama plus 4.5 million, Congressional Republicans zero.”

Another thing that Clinton kept in mind while delivering a fabulously simple but impactful speech was that ordinary people watch a lot of sport on TV. He knew that they understand numbers when they’re presented as sports scores and that’s the reason why he did it this way, time and again:

“Now there are 250,000 more people working in the auto industry. Governor Romney opposed the plan to save GM and Chrysler. So here’s another jobs score: Obama two hundred and fifty thousand. Romney, zero.”

This wasn’t cover-your-arse political doublespeak but a professional speech like a CEO would present to board members. Just straight blue-collar language. He wasn’t just chest-thumping about Obama’s achievements but showed guts to accept Obama’s mistakes too. He explained why some of Obama’s policies had failed. And who the real culprits were:

“President Obama also tried to work with Congressional Republicans on Health Care, debt reduction, and jobs, but that didn’t work out so well.  Probably because, as the Senate Republican leader said, their number one priority was not to put America back to work, but to put President Obama out of work.”

And Clinton wrapped up his argument with a final score:

“Are we where we want to be?
No.
Is the President satisfied?
No.
Are we better off than we were when he took office, with the economy in free fall, losing 750,000 jobs a month? 
The answer can only be YES.”

In leaving the subject, Clinton brilliantly summed up the situation for ordinary people:
“The Republican argument against the President’s re-election was pretty simple: we left him a total mess, he hasn’t cleaned it up fast enough, so fire him and put us back in.”

Then Clinton moved on to Medicare.

He countered the Republican accusations, again in plain language:
“The Republicans attacked the President for allegedly robbing Medicare of 716 billion dollars. Here’s what really happened. There were no cuts to benefits. None.
What the President did was save money by cutting subsidies to insurance companies that weren’t making people any healthier. He used the saving to close the donut hole in the Medicare drug program. Governor Romney wants to repeal the savings and give the money back to the insurance companies, to re-open the donut hole.”

Donut? In a political speech?

No, Clinton wasn’t out of his mind to draw a political reference to a donut. Clinton gave everyone a simple visual mnemonic for a complicated funding issue. His simple reason was that there’s a doughnut hole in Medicare funding. Obama wants to close the doughnut hole. Romney wants to make the doughnut hole bigger.

Finally, Clinton explained the problems with the Republicans’ tax cuts for the rich, in a simple powerful mnemonic:

“People ask me all the time how my government delivered four surplus budgets. I always give a one-word answer: arithmetic. 
If the Republicans stay with their 5 trillion dollar tax cut, the arithmetic tells us that one of three things will happen:
1) Middle class families will see their tax bill go up two thousand dollars a year, while people making over 3 million dollars a year will get a 250,000 dollar tax cut.
2) They’ll have to cut programs that help middle class families and poor children, not to mention cutting investments in roads, bridges, science, technology and medical research.
3) They’ll do what they’ve been doing for thirty plus years now – cut taxes more than they cut spending, explode the debt, and weaken the economy.”

That was the build up to an unarguable fact:  

“Remember, Republican economic policies quadrupled the debt before I took office and doubled it after I left.”

And ending on the brilliant mnemonic: 
“We simply can’t afford to double-down on trickle-down.”

And like in advertising we have a tagline that sums up the brand promise Clinton’s last line for me was the killer one.

“We simply can’t afford to double-down on trickle-down.”

Most people know the Republican ‘trickle-down’ theory of growth which basically means make the wealthy even wealthier and some of it will eventually make its way down to the poor. Most people also know the expression for increasing a bet by 100% is “double down”. Clinton portrays the Republicans as flashy Las Vegas gamblers willing to risk everything on a crazy theory.

“We simply can’t afford to double-down on trickle-down.”

Clinton’s speech was like an ace that used factoids and policy ideas to ‘explain’ and score big politically. Mitt's speech should have done this. Also, the other reason that made Clinton’s speech so noteworthy was that he bears the imprimatur of economic success. Another thing that worked for him was that he didn’t have any personal chemistry with Obama. His failure/resistance to not become a ‘close friend’ of Obama gave Clinton’s speech that extra edge. A hidden message through Bill Clinton’s speech was that, just like Bill Clinton, vacillating voters need not love Obama to understand that he’s a better choice than Romney. Bill Clinton made the speech that Obama needed most.

One thing that I got out of his speech is that when you are vulnerable then you should be REASONABLE not EMOTIONAL. And your best friends do not always provide the best solution.

When all that matters is going that EXTRA MILE...

Yesterday one of my friends came from New York and besides other gifts there was one but obvious gift - I Love NY T-shirt. 

 
Yeah many of us have grown up seeing ‘I Love NY’ logo. Still it doesn’t go out of fashion. It can surly endorse an anti-aging product.  The logo has become a pop-culture icon, inspiring imitations in every corner of the globe.

But now the iconic ‘I Love NY’ logo is set for a makeover as part of a new tourism campaign. In May 2012 New York Governor Andrew Cuomo launched the campaign inviting both locals and visitors to replace the heart in the logo with another item which represents New York for them. (read more about it on http://www.logodesignlove.com/i-love-ny-logo-makeover)

The idea behind the new campaign is to reclaim the logo which has since been hijacked by scores of other countries and cities.  

It’s too early to say whether Andrew Cuomo will succeed in his campaign or not. But so far it hasn’t gone down well with many. The New York Daily News accused Governor Cuomo of "breaking New York's heart", adding: "What were you thinking Gov. Cuomo – is 'I pizza slice NY' gonna pull in the tourists?” "Replacing the heart … with drawings of things like pizza slices and beach balls for the sake of modernisation is like slapping tattoos on the Statue of Liberty to keep up with the trends of the 21st century." The new campaign also drew criticism from Milton Glaser, the designer of the original logo, who said: "I don't understand it. I saw one that said 'I Pizza NY'; I don't get it."

After reading this piece of news I thought of finding more about how the iconic logo came into being. And here is the story behind the famous logo.

In 1977 New York was nearly bankrupt. There wasn’t a thriving economy or tourism like today.

Government was really struggling with New York’s brand image and revenues. The then governor decided the best way to raise money was through tourism. But considering New York had a bad brand image he commissioned Wells Rich Greene Advertising Agency to do an advertising campaign to change the image of the city. It was asked to represent New York in a new light and to remind everyone what a great city it was.

Instead of creating a chest thumping campaign Wells Rich Greene went in for a disruptive, simple but effective approach. They decided to create a jingle that could stick in people’s heads and people might play it again and again. As a result it could generate free publicity. They got an old-fashioned jingle-writer called Steve Karmen on board. And he wrote the simple musical phrase “I love New York”.

After seeing the jingle the client felt something was missing. After lot of deliberation the Client and the Agency came to a conclusion that the campaign needed a logo. The idea to have a logo came from a future led thinking - people would hopefully pick up and use logo themselves like on T-shirts, car bumper stickers, posters, graffiti, memorabilia, basically anywhere. That again would generate more free media.

The next name that came on board was Milton Glaser, the famous graphic designer of that time. His job was to design an “I love New York” logo. One thing that was absolutely clear in Glaser’s mind was that the logo has to be minimalistic and simplest graphic form. Lesser the elements better it is. He reduced the four words to two oval shapes. “I love” reversed out of black in one, ”New York” reversed out in the other.

The logo was presented, approved and printing went ahead. But Glaser wasn’t satisfied; he wanted to reduce it further. He had to have the letter “I”, and he could reduce New York to the letters “NY”. But how could he reduce the word “love”? For days he kept thinking how he could reduce the word to bare minimum. He was thinking about where the word was used. And then like Einstein the great idea stuck him, albeit he was thinking this in the back of a taxicab. Long time back when New York wasn’t a concrete jungle he had seen the symbol for love used as a heart carved into a tree. It had two lovers’ names in it and an arrow through it. The equivalent of “John loves Tina” would be “John (heart) Tina”. He grabbed an envelope out of his pocket. He wrote “I (heart) NY”. He instantly knew that that was his big idea. He called up the client and persuaded him that he had a better idea and they should stop printing. The client as expected was mad at him, but Glaser persisted. Eventually the client agreed.

Now Glaser job was to work on the graphics. He took inspiration from Robert Indiana’s “LOVE”. The word was formed into a square, the letter “LO” above and the letters “VE” below. So Glaser wrote it like that, “I (heart)” above and “NY” below. A simple but powerful graphic.

The idea behind this logo evolved from the way people use language and not developing something new for them.

This logo became the biggest, most imitated logo, ever. Every city in the world copies it. And it’s all free advertising. Because everyone knows which city the original refers to.

The credit goes to Milton Glaser because didn’t stop thinking after the client bought the idea. He drew something better on the back of an envelope in a taxicab.That envelope is now a collectible item and is in the permanent collection of The Museum of Modern Art. If you want to know more about the man and his agency read here: http://www.miltonglaser.com/milton/#0

One thing that I have learned from this story is that Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven’t yet figured out how to ask. We should never stop Dreaming because you never know when they can become a reality.

It’s very easy to get complacent with the present but victory comes to those who keep the success hunger alive and kicking in their belly. 

I am too at a life juncture where I am in two minds whether to be satisfied with what I have or go in full throttle for the biggest risk of my life. This story sure has inspired me. After all I have only one life and as Mountain Dew says “Darr Kea age jeet hai”. So I might as well do the due and let the analysis be left after I have taken the risk.

Who kahte hai na - Kyon dare zindagi mein kya hoga, kuch na hoga toh tajurba toh hoga.